How strange it was to have spent so long on my own, caring about nothing except disguising my existence to the world, living such a half-life, and to now be so concerned about another that I was almost willing to go be ALIVE again. It leaves me feeling disgruntled. I feel unsettled in my skin as she touches me. My soul longs for her touch and it eases me in a way that also alarms me, mostly because I had become so familiar with my innermost self, I understood when I was losing control. This time it wasn’t control to rage but something altogether different. I was certain though that I would hurt her In the end. If not physically during one of my meltdowns, then most certainly emotionally. My mind flashes to Idrisa, to the furious and betrayed shock on her face when I abandoned her.

Reine begs me and my ears flip back. I hated those words on her lips. I hated she understood that I feared Blackthorne. He was the boogeyman in my nightmares, a creature larger than life. Sometimes I dreamed of fighting him and each time, I woke up with his fangs buried in my throat, my mind leaving the imprint of pain where there had never been any. I remember Beltane and her strange premonitions – did she foresee my death by his jaws?

Her words drown me as I sigh, leaning ever so slightly into her touch. Using her as a way to ground myself as my mind churns. Spirane would be a logical place to go. Daenery’s family had reigned there for my entire life and no one seemed to bother them overmuch, even Thorne. It was harder to attack a pack nestled in the foothills of a rolling mountain. ”If we stay out here then we won’t have any extra warning if one or both of us lapses in our watch.” I muse this outloud, not realizing that I have given in to her, that I have committed to sticking with her. Not knowing how deeply such a thing will affect her. She had not chosen to be alone where I had; we were vastly different.

”I can’t go to Taviora.” I don’t explain why. I COULD – my family would certainly tell me that, even after all I had done to them, but I knew it would create more havoc with them. I hoped they had settled in without me. ”Nor Diveen. He is known to hate the alpha there. He will most surely turn up there.” If he was back and I wasn’t crazy. ”Asteraia was an ally of his before and Glorall his original hope. That leaves only Spirane and the outlands.” I growl in frustration before glancing down at her again. ”We can stay here for the night while we decide. There is a small pond in the back from runoff. Have you eaten yet?”