Rivaini

No moment of triumph had ever weighed so heavy on the soul.

Rivaini had not lingered long in Paradise. After the chocolate King had… finished with her, she had remained only long enough to reaffirm their arrangement before departing for the Ridge. But even when the clearing was far behind her, the silver bay could not convince her mind of this truth. She could still smell the cloying perfume of the passion blooms that had surrounded her, even though she had declined to pluck one to bring home to Faolain. She would never again recognize the beauty of the pale petals that framed a lavender iris. Could never forget the suffocating weight that had pinned her in place, or the hot breath that had bathed the back of her neck. And while she didn’t regret the sacrifice that she had made, Rivaini did regret the magnitude of that sacrifice - something she hadn't understood until after it was made.

Though she had not been forced in the conventional sense, nothing could change that what should have been an act of passion had been warped and darkened. That she could never share the gravity of that first choice with Faolain. That if she went to the ‘Teke, it would not be as the whole and pure creature who the guardian deserved.

It was fortunate, perhaps, that the slender mare had withdrawn into solitude by the time her copper-colored companion returned. Rivaini needed the comfort that only her friend could offer, but could not have beared to go to her as broken as she’d been in the first couple days following her negotiations with Rougaru. The time was a precious resource that she spent piecing herself back together - and contemplating what to say. If given the choice, the silver bay would have preferred to say nothing. To take the secret to her grave, and tell Faolain nothing more than that she was safe. But time would only betray her lies. Soon enough, there would be no hiding what she had done - and it was better to be open about it than to wait until the other mare discovered Rivaini’s betrayal.

For lack of the companionship she would have chosen, the Andalusian remained close enough to the herd to stave off the overwhelming feelings of desolation and despair that plagued her when she was alone. The Ridge was no longer the bright place it had been when lit by the presence of Çiçek, but the bleakness no longer bothered her. More than anything, it was a relief that Ailil and his daughters were too absorbed in their own sorrows to recognize her own. A blessing that Iscariot was so preoccupied - whether by the heartache of his young playmates or something else, Rivaini could not say - that the haunted look in her eyes had escaped his notice. Though the empathy of her herdmates might have been a source of comfort, it had been awful enough to live the moment once. So she delayed the moment of its retelling as long as possible, relishing in these last stolen moments of normalcy before her entire world would be turned upside down.

Faolain’s call, when it came, was both a welcome summons and the dreaded proclamation that she could not hide behind an empty smile any longer.

As if she had been waiting for it - and in a way, she had - Rivaini stepped from the shadows of the nearby jungle before the last echoes of the ‘Teke’s voice had even faded. And though she did not race to Faolain’s side as she had done so often in the past, the fluid dance of her limbs revealed her eagerness - and her apprehension. Still, it was a relief to feel those dark brown eyes following her. To be the subject of a gaze that warmed her, instead of sending a chill of fear down her spine. And it was a wonder to share a touch - just the brief brush of red lips over black - that filled her with the desire for more, instead of revulsion. What she felt now, in this moment of reunion… it strengthened the resolve she’d felt in the moments leading up to her decision. This - Faolain - was worth any price, any sacrifice.

“Faolain,” she greeted warmly. And then, because she could not resist - because her willpower could only crumble in the absence of her usual strength - Rivaini moved closer, tucking her face into the slender arch of the other woman’s neck. “I missed you,” she murmured in a husky voice that broke with emotion as the full weight of this moment struck her. This was the last embrace, the last breath before the gravity of their world was irrevocably changed.

“I have something to tell you, Faolain. I - I bargained with Rougaru, and he agreed to withdraw his claim on you.” -in exchange for me, Rivaini would have continued. But an obstruction of tears and terror had formed in her throat, and the words only piled up behind it. Silent, her ocean-blue eyes found the other guardian’s, and held them. As perceptive as Faolain was, there was every chance that she might piece together the truth herself.

And if she didn’t, then the tobiano mare would find the strength, somewhere, to give her the truth that might tear them apart.

mare / six / silver bay tobiano / andalusian mix / 15.3hh