Desert

This was a side of Cain that Cerosi had been respectfully ignoring up until now. The steel grey mare was not used to genuine concern, even in tiny doses, from a stallion. She had gently pushed away Cain’s gentle worry for her, never truly accepting that part of the tobiano stallion. She could acknowledge it, to some extent, when she saw him extend those emotions to the other mares, but had never been able to truly see that he did the same for her as well. She would often tell herself that she was imagining things, or that he was faking it, or that she wanted that softness so badly that she was tricking herself into believing it was there.

It even took time for her to come to accept that she wanted it at all. It had been easy to think that she did not need any gentleness from others, especially a man - how could she know what she was missing? She certainly couldn’t want something she had never experienced.

But she did see it happen to the other Desert mares, and every instance of it chipped steadily away at her resolve, until it finally crumbled.

She wasn’t sure when that happened - when she finally admitted to herself that she craved something she had always thought herself adapted to go without, to dislike, even. She couldn’t recall the exact moment she had faltered, and resigned her determination, and moved on to simply wanting something she assumed she could not have.

Realizing the want had been a large emotional shift, surely; but discovering the object of her cravings had been there all along? That she had been willfully blind to Cain’s gentleness as though she did not deserve it, and could not bear to face it for fear of coming to terms with the sins for which she was punishing herself? That was nearly crippling. It came with the roughly whispered always, Cerosi, that sent an electric shudder across her skin and caused her steps to stumble and then paused. A sigh left her, as though she had been holding a breath since she arrived at the Crossing so long ago.

Tears rolled down her dusty cheeks, leaving shining trails that glistened wetly in the moonlight. She somewhat collapsed into Cain’s side, though not out of physical weakness. She could not find the words to describe what she felt, and so she remained silent, but for her quiet, hiccuping cries. It felt like an enormous weight had left her, though she could not yet feel the relief. The weight had left her raw and sore, but she could still recognize the freedom it brought despite the accompanying pain. ”I’m sorry,” she sighed through her tears, too overwhelmed to explain more than that. He had asked what he could do - she had heard him, faintly, through the crashing storm in her head - and now she answered. Weakly, but certain enough of her desires that her voice came out steady. She kept a weeping eye on her daughter, making sure the silvery girl did not totter off on her own, or Cerosi would pull herself away from Cain’s blissful warmth to gather her back. But as long as Kára did not wander, Cerosi could continue to lean against the Vanner stallion.

”Just... stay, please, if you can,” she pleaded.

Cerosi

mare // 4 // EE aa Dd nRb ZZ // 15hh