Rougaru is singlehandedly the most reliable and warmest source of comfort that Sonorae has found on these islands, and she melts into him gratefully. She still feared his wrath, if only because she did not want to disappoint him, but she craved this feeling more than she feared his teeth. Rae does her best to ignore the hesitant way he has reacted to her this far, even thought it implies to her that he wasn't ready to forgive her for betraying him. Instead of shying away from the wrath that was possibly still brewing, she snuggled in closer, desperate to preserve this small shred of happiness.
Steadily, the giant chocolate brute curls around her, and a part of her finally relaxes, letting go of the hard pearl of anxiety she had clung to for so many months. He seems genuinely confused at her apology and she presses closer, squeezing her eyes shut against the memory of what had happened. Burying her muzzle against his neck, she barely manages to mumble an answer against his skin. "Everything."
She regretted leaving. She regretted not stopping the stranger. She regretted that she wasn't a better mother. She regretted a lot of things, but coming home with Rougaru was not one of them.
It melts her heart to hear him try to lift the blame from her shoulders and carry it himself, as though she hadn't been the one that had left his protection in Paradise. She couldn't bear to hear him admit to guilt that was not his own and she shook her head wordlessly against his body. He draws her face up and meets her tearful gaze, only to push aside the tendrils of her mane away from her face. Rae does her best not to blubber or sob, but it's hard to look at the face of his goodness and not feel inadequate. "I shouldn't have left," she murmured quietly. "I was wrong to leave."
Gently he touches her cheek and together they turn to look at the sleeping filly. Despite the praise that Monster and Rougaru have both heaped at her feet, she knows the base truth of the matter is that she is not a good mother. She doesn't know the first thing about parenting, nor can she look at the speckle-rumped girl without immediately comparing her to her sire. Rae knew that it wasn't fair. That her daughter could not control who had sired her, and yet every time she looked at the filly it was as if she was waiting for the other pin to drop.
For the girl to whirl on her with teeth bared as unexpectedly as the unnamed stallion had risen over her back.
However, all of this introspection stops the moment he speaks again. You are a wonderful mother my love, he says and her breath hitches unexpectedly in her throat. The rest of what he says is lost in the wake of those words and she can feel the stupid-happy smile that spreads across her lips, even as she trains her gaze on the filly that sleeps. Are you sure, he asks and Rae nods, wishing desperately that he would lift this burden from her shoulders. With some reluctance, her mind still fascinated by the words he had uttered only a few moments ago, she lifts her gaze back to Rougaru's and melts all over again, a tremulous smile fitting on her lips.
What if we name her together, he offers again, once more trying to draw her in. Rae knows that it is a kind gesture, and a sweet one. Any mare in her position would be thrilled to see their stallion making such strides - and she was, distantly - but the prospect of having any say in the naming of this girl was just as oppressive as the thought of an endless future as her mother. A thought occurs to her, and even before she can finish thinking through the potential ramifications, she's speaking again. "Wait, me first."
Suddenly shy, her gaze tips back down and she can feel the heat rushing to her cheeks. "I mean... You should know my name, first. I-I don't remember it, not really but I thought of something the other day and I…" she swallows hard, her courage faltering. "I wanted you to be the first to know," she all but whispers, her wide eyes trained on him. "I-I'm Rae."
In truth, although Rae had the sound of familiarity to it, her choice had been fixated more on the fact that it started with R like Rougaru and reminded her of the sun's rays that warmed her coat and signaled the start of a new day. The rays that were the same color as the curl of forelock that framed his eyes just so. And the same eyes that had crinkled with a smile and offered her a new beginning that day on the beach. Again, she swallows hard and her gaze switches back and forth between his eyes, trying to read his reaction. "D-do you like it?"
