she wants to shut her brain off, to forget everything and just relish the feeling of his skin next to her skin, the scent of his body in every breath, the warmth of someone else’s strength helping to hold her up. Božena would forget everything that ever transpired between them in order to carry on like this forever and his words are so simple, and come so cleanly that Božena almost lets herself…the mare ushers out a soft breath though the rest of her is frozen in place as she listens. you did nothing wrong…..

 Božena shifts ever so slightly then, knowing she could not let herself forget. they had no future together if there was denial about their past. her head does not pull away from him but she shakes it gently against his curved neck, no. she was just as much to blame as he. she does not interrupt him, though she disagrees. her heart clenches to hear him call himself a fool…

the magnificent stallion before her, only a slightly more masculine mirror of herself in so many ways, is no fool. he is a creature of the vlast, of the krev, and a tie between her old life to her new. he is finer and kinder, and a better prospect than even the betrothed, who had been decided upon for her as a young klisnička… in her mind at least. that is why they were here in the first place. because the black mare’s heart could not be dissuaded that he was right for her, that he was meant for her, even by his own doubt so long ago now.

she is surprised when he pulls away and though she wishes just to close her eyes and follow his motion, to keep her forehead pressed against him, she draws away slightly instead and lifts her head. she is rewarded by the sight of his convex face close to hers, heartrending in it’s earnestness. despite the resolution she feels to voice her own thoughts she still drinks in the promise of his words.

she doesn’t hesitate when he is finished, afraid she will lose the courage to to address what she disagreed with him about. ”it was wrong of me to push… to ask you to give me something you could not and to be upset with you in return for doing only what you could…” this admission is easier than the one she prepares herself to make and so when she breaks for that moment, the black mare braces, rigid with the fear that she will send them careening into the abyss again. just as she had when bared herself to him when things initially spiraled out of their control. she forces herself onward, knowing that she must somehow justify her actions, if not to him, to herself. ”Kunžak…i loved you for who you were. not who you could not be, what you could not be to me then… my greed cost us.” it is a weight off her chest to speak those words. a stitch in the wound that they both gently worked to close.

she had loved him. though the thought of being so wholly dependent and desperately attached had terrified her, angered her even back then…to the point that they had argued and he went his own way…. but her love was gentler now, and her voice soft and ardent.”i only wish for you to be yourself…i want you beside me, in whatever way you can. whatever way you want.” she does not press or push now… and she does not think, looking into the deep warmth of his earth-brown eyes, that she would have needed to. he is new before her, with a directness in his voice and his gaze that causes a stir in her chest and warmth to prickle over her skin.