and I guess I’ve known it all along; Posted on May 19, 2021 at 08:00:50 AM by vihaan.
the truth is you have to be soft to be strong Ahimsa turned at the sound of his brother’s voice, and something flickered in his eyes momentarily, there-and-gone, and he shook his head firmly. “We have nothing more to say to one another that hasn’t already been said,” was all Ahimsa gave Akello. He knew, in his heart, that his mother had not come for him, and the dark tobiano colt was determined not to intrude on what was to unfold. He made no move, either towards Akello or away from him, and when it became evident that nothing would change his mind, he tucked his chin to his chest and watched as his brother left to answer the summons of their mother.
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Vihaan hummed under breath, at Cain’s greeting, a warm smile turning up the corner of her lips. It glimmered in the depths of her eyes, but when she spoke, it was to her eldest son, and her voice took on a tenderness as she spoke, her gleaming eyes seeking those of her boy. “Not a falling out, as such, my son. Ahimsa, he isn’t as understanding about the decisions I’ve made as you and your father are.” There was no animosity in her voice – she did not blame Ahimsa for his absence. If anything, it softened the aching of her heart a little, the hope that Ahimsa had seemed to settle in, and that in days to come, he might yet find something that corresponded to the bond she had found with Everglow, and that her mother before her had found with Shamwari, Sanibel and Larka. Thoughts of her family, now scattered across Luthien and beyond, weighed heavy upon her shoulders.
It was a gentle enquiry from Cain that pulled this burden from her before it had a chance to bring her to her knees.
And you, have you found yours yet?
“I have,” she said softly, her tone turning a little wistful, but not without hope. It was bittersweet, this time they had, and Vihaan would cherish it always. “Cain, I…” She tried again. No more hesitation, no more leaving the Desert King in the dark. “I came to say goodbye.” The words carried a weight, and the very act of speaking them aloud made it easier for the dunalino mare to breathe. From where she stood now, she could see that she had been heading for this all along. And though she was ready for the future she had chosen for herself, it didn’t make the parting any less painful. “Everglow and I are swimming to the mainland. I want to take her to some of the places I travelled through when I was young, and no doubt we’ll discover new places together. I don’t know when I’ll be back, I don’t know...” The lean mare shifted her weight, swallowing down the words that seemed to stick in her throat.
“I wanted… Needed to see you one last time, just in case… I’ll miss you all. Tell Ahimsa for me, won’t you?” Pausing to take a moment to keep her emotions in check, she sought less treacherous ground by focusing on the noble figure of her son, and forced a smile, blinking as it settled on her lips and became genuine and real. “I’m so proud of you, Akello. Never forget that.” And she stepped lightly, dancing across the small space that stretched between them, embracing her firstborn, tucking her chin over the curve of his neck, committing the scent of him to memory, and the sight of the golden stripes that patterned his coat so uniquely. One last lingering touch – a tender kiss pressed to Akello’s cheek, and Vihaan turned back to Cain.
“When you came to the Prairie… When you first met Ahimsa, you told him you’d always wait for me. I don’t want that for you, Cain, a lifetime of waiting.” The fierce, large-hearted dunalino shook her head, and gently gestured for Cain to approach, waiting until he drew near before leading him at a slow, steady place across the desert sands of his home. “You’ve made an effort to atone for the wrongs you have done, and while you can never take back what is past, the way you live now is a testament to who you’ve become, and I have faith - ” Here, Vihaan’s voice broke a little, and she turned her face away a moment, closing her eyes and drawing in a breath, grounding herself. “I entrust our sons to you, because there is no fear in me that they will suffer under the same darkness that you were once slave to. Look after them for me.” And she pressed close, leaning into his embrace.
“Be free, Cain, and do not worry or wait for me. I’ll carry you with me, and part of me will always be with you, because I…” The breath hitched in her lungs and she tucked her forehead to the curve of Cain’s throat. “I love you too,” came the ragged whisper, and she pulled back to study his face with eyes darkened with emotion. It was only a few moments more that she remained by his side (but time seemed to slow for her, and she knew she would never forget this), before she turned and made for the distant shore, picking up pace as her vision blurred, until she was running blind. One last cry from her lips rang out over the desert plains that had once been her home, a final goodbye to all those who lived here, and a plea to the ones she loved; please, please, love me and let me go.
daughter of Shamwari & Darshan ,
mother of Akello & Ahimsa
& keeper of Everglow