(content warning for child death, suicidal ideation, brief drug mention Vitani keens for her daughters.
Her lungs burn as she breathes in great, heaving sobs, and what little air remains comes back out in long, loud wails, the agony in her voice as deep and wide as the ocean she should have let take her. She is lost to this world, somewhere far beyond the confines of her own body as she lets the tide of her misery take her out, out, out, beyond the memories that play on a loop behind her tear-swamped eyes, back to calmer seas and a life that could have been, had she not been who she was, and did the things she'd done. A life with her mother, and her own children, and even stupid Kovu, and her father, too, before he'd lost himself to drugs and philandering. A life golden, resplendent. Happy. Not a life without sorrows - because no life is ever without sorrows, Vitani is sure of that - but not like this. Never like this. After a while, she quiets. The tears still flow, and her body still shakes, but her eyes stare blankly forward. Her legs feel numb. Everything feels numb. And then he shows up, calling to her with a cute pet name and acting like he cares, and her anger flares quickly back to life, catching on those tiny scraps of tenderness like a lightning strike onto dry kindling. "You -" She tries to yell at him, would love nothing more than to scream at him for at least an hour, if not longer, but her throat is too raw. She chokes on whatever insult it was she'd had planned, the words too gravelly to roll off her tongue like they used to, and her resulting cough turns into a sob, which turns into a wail. Her brow furrows, ears slipping back into the tangles of her sun-bleached mane. She hates this. Hates that she's sitting here, disheveled, lathered with sweat and salt and utter failure, and she's crying, and he's here, seeing her at the lowest point in her life. Seeing Vitani here, in her own specially-tailored ninth circle of Hell, when the last time he'd seen her, she was beautiful. She was vibrant, healthy, glowing with righteous fury and round with Fell's child. Fell's child - The child she killed -
Was that fucking Fell she'd scented on him, just now? Vitani freezes, struck, and pins her ears again, baring her teeth and snapping at the air around his muzzle. "Go away, Raegar," she says, shoving him back with her shoulder on her second word. "Didn't Fell tell you?" It doesn't matter if the question makes no sense. Whether Fell can actually tell anyone anything isn't the point. The words are meant to sting. She smiles, bitterness rising in her like a wellspring, even as fear brings her voice to tremble. "I'm dangerous." And you should save your kindness for someone who deserves it. |