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Related post: Date: Thu, 4 balanced literacy models Sep 2003 09:25:12 -0700 From: Tim Stillman Subject: Joel/Barry Joel/Barry by Timothy Stillman "I am not rich or famous/but who can ever tell?/I do not know what waits for me/maybe heaven/maybe hell" "Baby, The Rain Must Fall" This is a horror franceska model story. It is an interior one. The most frightening, most painful kind.There are no black male model ghosts, save the human ones. There is no violence, not so's you'd notice. There is no pain, save the ones we don't talk about. There are neither demons nor ghouls, not where you would expect them at least. There is no death, save the one that's ticking in all of us right this minute. This is how it's laid out. This is tiny mexican models the autopsy.They felt for each other only love. They lived for the oceans of themselves to be guided by the other's hand. They were two in one and believed that days of deliverance were created by the first morning hello, and the last evening good night. Though there were always mornings, and there were no final evenings. Things would go this way for always, as long as Autumn followed Summer, and Winter followed Autumn.There was promise in their international supermodels first child model jana sight of each other, an addition to each other, at the same time, a subtraction from each other, balanced and gay teen modells fair and right and just. They sacrificed these goings away, not sublime, not important, not the selling of even the slightest bit of a soul, not sold to each other, but to the something in them that had never been there before. Not since a bargain was sealed, and payment due, with no excess, without a kinder black model sites conceit nonnude model russian than anyone with a bargain in the direction child art models of the devil had ever given.Love felt good, and it was that obvious, as they lay with each other that first time, in Joel's bedroom, in the night, amanda cameron model with the Autumn approaching and brushing away Summertime, and they held each other delicately as though they were each china japan pretee model porcelain, the fingers touch, and the chests touch, and that web of sexuality that dueled youtube freemodelsexpics with love and fought against it at first, for they were only human after all, but still the trigger pulled, and still they fell. The distance was far below and time unhinged and membranes took the place of the lonely nights, for there were no walls anymore, not here, this first time, not ever again.They lay naked and close and whispery and tickly against each other, for love demands it, love demands risks and promises and withheld eyes behind the tremble of lids of flesh, because they knew in that young ped models second before they were enraptured with each other, that this was a trick, was a joke, but love gripped them as they gripped each other, more than a substantiation, more than a performance with someone else engraved on the heart as the bodies tackled each other in reckless fury, for this love allowed something they had olesya supermodel not allowed before, a lack of fury of sexuality, a lack of conjugal badminton where deft serves could be negated by sweaty pores and the continual shame that had plagued them all their lives, when they had discovered who they were and who they were was not what littlegirlsmodeling they had set out to be at all.They did the things two naked lovers do in bed, , for love demands exposure, and they were a gulf each of themselves, gradually discovering the land between was not to be, that something in their hair smelled this way, that something in the way their hands cupped parts of each other, this sifting night when the cool winds were starting to blow, and the shades rattled in the windows youngmodelscom partially open to give the night air from the stifling fists in each of their stomachs, to allow a partial escape of repose and not meant and over then and away in the lonely night corners of the table pockets, there to hide and bleed no more, singly and alone. But the sugary parts did not happen this time, this beginning.For Joel and Barry were not of the sentimental variety, as though there were isotopes in their minds that were always bleating out green lights for lack of courage or too much insight, or the thought processes tangled in a league of consideration that always webbed too much feeling into too much hypotheses, and thus the escape that way as it had always been, which was no escape, then, none at all.They had known each other the beginning of this semester of university. They had known and danced delicately and pulled eye shades down on their immediate intense love for pre lollitas model each other, that had bristled and developed and haunted and betrayed them in bringing them together in the library last night cristina modeling with the dark drawn and the lights shaded brown, and the books in their hands as they sat on either side of the long horseshoe style table on the second floor, to the right of the science book stacks.And there was a longing past who could take which drug to achieve which mastery that was nothing more than a shade of tricks in the nights and the bars teen model photographer and skinniest teen models the student lounge model child nicky and on the quad with the amber moon shining beacon above, and there was more than drinks and the feeling empty in the stomach that had made them laugh too loudly, had made them album young model too desperately in need of not needing each other.Quiet Joel's room, as quiet the library, as quite Barry had put the book of graphics down on the wooden table top and had looked straight into Joel's hazel eyes and had seen Autumn in him, had seen a memory of a cat he had loved all ls model naked russet and brown and filled with heavy fur and a sweet deep as fulfillment pair of green eyes that had looked at him so intently with love, the cat's paw on Barry's left hand, as they lay on the boy's bed, when littlemelissa model he had been a child, home from school on a winter's day, sick with the flu, fully sneezing, stuffy, weepy, and this cat was the only being who 16 topless models knew him, as the TV screen had dissolved in front of Barry's eyes, the cats' eyes so full of the boy.. And the naked top models young models xxx cat had come to fill the whole world of him and nothing could separate them again, and the boy thought this as he looked at the boy named Joel and thought the world is in a name like that and novenas on every planet and candles lit and prayers said, and night was now a distant memory, like a wish of bravery of the end of night, and then he saw it in Joel. The same thing he felt in himself, a bare damask out in a field somewhere of funereal blackness, blankness, and his sight rose fast and higher and higher, and the damask that had been the thing Barry had clung to with such supreme tenacity became an instant, a skate left in some million years ago childhood, seen from up lily model sets high, like from the eyes of God, and Barry felt that sickness hispanic teen models inside himself and looked into the attendant darkness asian model porn that was cold and unclimbable and he would not give himself away, not one more time...And in that young fantasy models darkness that was inside himself, that was subaltern, that was so elemental to people of the world who are ready to twist a good bye into any hello regardless of the chant of cost known so well and befriended like a hand in a warm night soothing the sickness away, that kind of wired sterile preamble, as always, started, and lived through and then fallen to the earth and that dim damask there below in the infinite tumble down, thus to rush to forest rest and hurtle to the brutal magnificent ground again russian lingerie models in all its shadow removal crews that never seemed to get round to the task, he had seen, within his own self, within his own tortured cravings and immediate repentance for those cravings, Joel, in his own fears, his own no not this time turn away and walk through the door, and Joel had seen this other boy within his own fear, his own timetable that was forever getting scrambled, that was forever, filled with broken destinations and train stations. When there were such things and they had not been Amtracked to death, and the unknowable fevers of asian model xxx those hard benches in the harder nights, sitting there with splinters fingering your nail tips, and the night a long unbroken brook of sealed domestication when it seemed this was the only thing that mattered, the waiting on, the waiting for, and thus eternity foolscap on your mind and seeming then to intellectually win because you could bemuse the process and no one sexy model kids else would mercifully, damnably, understand.But in their secret night, former child model Joel and Barry, peas preeteen modell top in a pod, planets in a russian modelling suddenly close universe, suddenly a pocket universe that did nude boy modeling not have loneliness at its marklin model ships core, was not a game of billiards of the half rungs of life that must be lived on and cramped and twisted and irina teen model deformed and consider this the full extent of life and what you might find some day in it, but never believed, and if a glissando was not raised on a violin string, and if a trumpet did not sound at that moment when Joel and Barry at that library table, the only two people there, shadows of dangerous edged books all round them, looked inside themselves and found the other there with him, if no one broke into song or recited poetry of beautiful rooms created at least in verse, then it was a pre girl models silent thunder shock in each boy.It little bitch model was a release and a drawing through and a pulling back, but not the gravity pulling kind, only that deep thrushed body wavering as they looked at each other that first time they really looked at each other, and their eyes seemed to droop at the corners, like those of tired old men, gunfighters of electron cloud model an ancient age who know this time they nonude model tiny will be killed, this time the kid will pick them off and well done with it in that dusty saddle tramp town with the ill wind always blowing through.And that night, last night, how could it have simply been last night?, count the waves of the ocean, multiply by a million, and that was how the centuries, the millennia caressed them in their rooms afterwards, that giving out of time, that giving out of all that childhood loneliness and hand cradled sadness when heavenly teens models their orgasms singularly and lacking was only what trees could grow in their model hu80931 manual summer minds and branch with anything that was past human, anything that was beyond the human experience, any frame of it, an impossibility for humans to imagine, but the goal was ebony models at least in the trying, and if that meant senseless objects could be abused, if penises could be strained and mastered, and if trees in the night wind were enough for clauses in which they could hide and be less than themselves.Though deep interior they knew themselves to be fully immense though this egotism would not be felt by them for some time to come, then here was salvation and sensation in the form of knowing the terrible waste of other years, because when one is one and twenty, as Auden placed the world in that bracketed phrase of years so turned, then the past of two so young could be the past of two so immensely long and old, thus turn, and the turning in their single beds last night after they left the library, Joel first, not a word said between them, just encyclopedias at their beckonings and their minds in silver swirls.And now holly model com they lay, piano key boys, different tunes in the each of them, radios, stereos playing down the distance of vietnamese young models halls, scuff marks of sounds come to them as undercurrents to russian
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