Latest Stockport Allegation Rocks Church IP: 126.96.36.199 Posted on May 15, 2014 at 11:21:01 PM by From Our Special Etiquette Correspondent
Following last night's shock revelation, Fr Megson has acted swiftly and banned all prayers to Judas Iscariot at his beloved church of the Hidden Ovarie in Ladybarn,Manchester. The priest, renowned locally for his odour (believed by some to be that of sanctity) and for his unsuccessful approach to quiz management, has long been an apologist for the disgraced Iscariot and has led a sometimes violent campaign for the rehabilitation of the so-called "Potter's Field One". Speaking only last week on a TalkSport phone-in special he told Stan Collymore that the time had come for a spirit of forgiveness and reconciliation to be afforded to the wayward apostle, reminding the listeners that 30 pieces of silver was quite a lot of dosh in them days, maybe even as much as a half a crown in modern money and which of us could honestly say that they would never betray the Messiah for a similar sum. He went on to speculate that maybe Judas had got one of his handmaidens pregnant and needed the money for a new flat; or maybe he had gambling debts; or maybe he just needed a nice holiday and a chance to get away from the stress of being a trainee apostle.
At a hastily convened press conference this morning an ashen faced Fr Megson said he would not be taking questions at this early stage but he did read out this terse statement:
" Obviously last night's allegation is very serious. To betray our Saviour with a kiss is one thing but to eat your supper with your elbows on the table is quite another. It goes against everything our parents taught us. If true, then I think this Iscariot bloke should have been given a good slap at the time and I hope he rots in Hell for not having any manners. In the meantime we must not jump to any rash conclusions. Let us remember that the tout, this Wagstaffe character is a Sassenach and, while that does not necessarily make him a cad and a bounder, we should also take into account the fact that he is said to be currently dossing down in the Stockport area, a notoriously perfidious neck of the woods". Replies: