It seemed the turn of my luck had once more shifted. It had all started with that fateful day at the riverside while I hunted for herbs to stockpile for the winter just like Solitaire had taught me before he left. I had needed to make sure my beast healed from the wounds he had taken to protect me from a cougar and if in the event I grew swollen with his children I needed to make sure that I would survive. I was small, you realize, so very small compared to the world around me. A runt, one who had been stolen from before I was even born. I blame Taji, her name leaving a bitter taste in my mouth, remembering her stench clinging to Carnifex's fur that day. I had screamed at him, tormented him, attacked him, run from him, and he had saved me in the end. I loved him. Our love was tested in the moments of the river when his cousin, Helios, raped me. It hurt me to know that I couldn't protect myself, just like I had always said, and it hurt worse as my beast grew further remote from me. The moment when I had born Myrria had been a strained one - was she my beast's or my burden's? She had been Carnifex's clearly and for a moment in time there was real joy there.

Then the bastard had to run off and run into his cousin. He had been gone for so long that day and I was hungry and tired and grumpy and cursed him. I went to search for him once Myrria fell asleep, ill at ease with leaving her behind but unable to do anything else, and I had found him. Or his body, at least, blood slick on his raven fur.

It had felt like the end of the world and it had only been a few days past. Weeks maybe? I didn't know anymore, my mind was in haze, my heart thudding like a frightened birds. I grew gaunt as time past, giving all of me to the tiny daughter that we had made. I hadn't wanted her but now I would kill to keep her. She was all that was left of him and me, of a future I had fought tooth and nail for and still ended up loosing. I feel a tear meander down my maw, my jaw opening so that it slides into my mouth. I will never forget the salty taste of grieving tears and forever would be reminded of this moment. My belly gurgled, in need of nourishment, and I stood up to find that I swayed. Weak and ill used, just as I had feared. Carnifex would have kept me fed.

I move away from the grotto, ears tucked to my head and pink eyes glancing back at the spot where Myrria was hidden. I had told her to remain quiet and stay put and I prayed she would because I didn't know how far I would have to go for food. I couldn't care for her and not myself, that isn't how it worked. I padded away from there, stretching out as I went and finding unpleasant soreness in some of my muscles. I realized I would be gone for hours as each attempt at a meal failed for the rabbits were healthy and fleet of foot and I was weak. I growled deep in my throat as my path landed me in the crags, furious with the world, with my weakness, with Carnifex's need for revenge.

I hated it all. I hated everything.

I needed someone, I needed help, I didn't know what it was to be alone and I definitely didn't know what it was to raise a child. It is then that I spot him, this black wolf with his eyes closed, and for a moment my heart squeezes. "Carni.." I whisper, brokenly. But it is not him, it is a different male, and he smells of freedom. This might possibly be the worst moment of my life because my thoughts flicker... what if? It felt like a betrayal to Carnifex but then I grew angry at myself and him. How dare he remain in my head when he had left me with a child. ME!

So I lift my head, adopting a smoother gait as I amble towards him with a sway of my hips, feeling like I was play acting considering I looked rough. "Why so solemn, my dear? Isn't life just grand? My, you are a handsome one," I say but I think my words fall flat to my own ears, my attempts struggling because I am still grieving and I'm hungry. And I'm lost. I wonder if he can see it in my red-flecked eyes.