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I feel her body stiffen and it causes me to press my fur to hers, seeking to comfort her, wanting her to only feel happiness, complete as I feel when I'm with her. She looks at me and I don't know what she sees but it causes her jaw to clench and pain sears through our bond like fire. It must the children she's thinking of, the children with my eyes who didn't make it through the meteor strike. My own heart twists in my chest when I think of Fathom, who was growing up so fast. She was going to be something great. I know it. And Capone, the quiet male who would be a great thinker, an avid listener. They didn't make it and while Natalya hangs on only me, she will not have others to help take away the pain of the lost. I feel this loss like an anchor dropping to the bottom of the sea floor and I wish there was some way to give her that joy again but I know it cannot come from me, not this time for it would only hurt her and Kiska in the end. My heart aches for Natalya, knowing that she must be lonely. She swears never to love another wolf and I know that a part of me sings for this because I could never bear the thought of her with anyone else but at the same time all I could ever want for her is happiness and I know that she is hurting from not being with me. She has her own pack now and I can only hope she'll find some purpose, even if it back to killing for a living. She tells me that it means the world to her, knowing that she'll always be forgiven, that I love her. I don't know exactly what means the world to her but I'm sure it's a mixture of all of those things. This is painful for me but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I must have her in my life. I still remember the day I sat and talked with Heyel about mates and children, how much of a weakness they are and how we'll never have one. I don't think either of us had imprints then either to know just how fucked up your priorities get when you make that fatal connection. She leans into me and my skin comes to life at the contact, my heart bursting inside with a mixture of elation and sorrow to know that it is not Kiska pressed against me. I know Natalya will never understand what I feel for my mate because she refuses to even entertain the idea of falling for someone else. I cannot force her to but sometimes I wish she could have made that choice before fate drew us together, just so she could put herself in my paws and see why it is that I keep coming back to Kiska. It's not a rebellion toward Fate or anything so petty. I've been falling for her since I first met her in Montagne, a land far from here. She was queen of a neighboring pack and I was alpha over a small isolated wasteland but I loved it there. I came to visit the lands and she pretty much told me to shove it and get lost and ever since then, I've lived to push her buttons. Maybe Fate played some game by having her show up here of all places years later to torture me, challenging me for Paracon as if the land had to go to her simply because it was mine. She was power hungry then but after the fight, I got to see a whole new side to Kiska. She was also faithful to the pack and would defend it to the end. She knew how to pick out potential and even gave some training where it was due. She was well rounded and over time, our talks became deeper, more sensual, less hostile. I was falling for Kiska the day Natalya came into my life and I could never regret that day, I only regret the pain she has gone through since. I hate putting her through this but I can't let Kiska go. It's just not in me. As if to pull me from my reverie, Natalya grips my ear suddenly , giving it a good pull before dancing away. I bark in surprise and snap at the air toward her, knowing she was going to be too quick to get bit. She turns to face me, bowing in play, snapping her jaws at me, her eyes glowing in daring. The sharp winter wind is not upon us as it was before when we initiated in play so I am not so hesitant to join in, my own tail waving as I widen my stance as if for battle, lips curling back, a teasing growl dripping past my charcoal lips. I lunge in, snapping gently at the back of her neck just behind her head, hoping to grab it and shake lightly before letting go. I don't even try to puncture the skin, not wanting to cause her any real pain. I dance back, flashing my tail again as I laugh and dart to the side, keeping myself moving for her turn. |