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I love them, all of them, I do- far more powerfully and more potently then I have ever loved anything before. My sons- they eclipsed everything and that is an emotion so intense I don’t know what to do with it. Quite frankly- it frightens me, I fear what I would do for them. If I am willing to wage my own personal war against an entire pack because they touched my imprint.....what would I be capable of it anyone ever harmed my child? My own blood. My Sons. There is no limit to that and truly I do hold some worry over that, the need to protect them, these tiny things born from the very bond of my soul, along with Andromeda herself is overwhelming. It chokes me. How the hell Heyel managed to have ten I will never know, either he has a very great capacity for love that he hides amazingly well- or he just doesn’t know how to control himself. Really, Mother should never have let him. She was so strong and independent and yet when it came to Heyel- she crumpled, her love for him blinded anything else. Evidently he never felt the same if he left her to burn. Yet, despite my hate of that event I suppose another part of me, small and insignificant really- understands something of what he must have suffered. We lost Lucifer and Kael that night- I lost two brothers, yet my Father lost two sons and to look at my own boys I cannot even begin to fathom continuing to exist without them. To have them taken from me is almost more a violation then Andromeda and yet- she is my very soul, losing any of them would be beyond my understanding and Heyel had lost them all. Maybe I was hard-headed when it came to my Father- maybe I should try to be more understanding- maybe Andro was making me softer with her soppy affection. I chuckled.

She nipped at my nose and muzzle as I huffed quietly, one paw rising lazily to shove her gently aside in an attempt at play, a very rarely seen thing when it comes to myself, ears pricking forward to catch her softly spoken words. Hmm, maybe I was away to much- but there was so much happening, I was needed, I wasn’t supposed to even have a family, I was supposed to focus entirely on my work- I’d violated my Art enough already and even taking this day was probably going to be frowned upon. Juggling both isn’t easy, I can see why it is forbidden I suppose- because my loyalty isn’t to them- not anymore. I was trying to make up for it, I was doing everything they asked me to do and yet they all still stare at me like I strangled a child or something utterly horrific. I gave Heyel grandchildren and he still didn’t seem to care. I was throwing myself into my work at the expense of my family, just trying to make it better, trying to make up for having them in the first place and it was still getting me nowhere- and now Andromeda was upset (well, sort of I presumed) and I was missing my sons growing- not that I actually knew what I was supposed to do with my pups. I generally just watched them for fear of breaking them. I wasn’t made to balance things. I’m not very good at. I can’t make everyone happy- I never could, so why the hell did I keep trying? It’s like a disease.

"I’ll try."

I smiled as I spoke the words softly, I meant them, I did and I really would try to be home more instead of just at night or odd hours during the day. Surely Ava and Malina and Lucid and Khaleesi can manage without me? At least for a day every now and then. I sighed softly, why was life hard? I was wanted here and there and everywhere and I just- can’t be. Andromeda fell silent as I warned her to keep the boys from the border line, I already worried enough about losing one of them, let alone the fact that their....colours might well attract the wrong kind of attention. If a Demon was stupid enough to steal a female he thought was to thin it implies they would be damn near useless enough to steal puppies they thought were there’s under the same proviso of believing they were ‘helping’. I quickly pushed the thoughts aside, feeling my anger rising and refusing to allow it- at least for now, though it simmered silently in the back of my mind as Stella agreed to at least try and spoke of this friend she still had. I frowned, evidently missing the point of the story which should have been that she only had one friend left- my mind in typical fashion thinking otherwise.

"What friend? It isn’t a boy is it? There is no way other males are coming around to visit."

Well- I always was quick to jump to a conclusion, my attention diverted near instantly however as she mentioned out eldest true-born pup and her concerns about his...Dreamwalking? what sort of ridiculous condition was that? Nobody had told me! Brooke had examined him at birth, she said he was fine. If she’d damn well lied to me I’d....I’d.....well I couldn’t hurt her, she was a girl for a start and Heyel’s pet. I’d......mess up her den while she was out. That’d show her. But back to the important issue. I scowled towards my imprint, holding her golden gaze and feeling once more slightly annoyed the boys didn’t have her eyes- so lovely, before my attention flicked to Starfall as he slept in the embrace of his brothers, or brother and illegitimate- whatever Meryl was. Andromeda continued, my eyes narrowing slightly as I looked upon my son.

"The eyes? What eyes? What’s wrong with his eyes? What the hell do you mean wander?! Wander where? I’ll build a bloody door then if I have to and lock him in- are saying there’s something wrong with him? There is nothing wrong with my son. He’s perfect just like he’s supposed to be."

So maybe I was yelling a little bit. I’m very good at that after all and I’d forgotten the boys were sleeping, the only image I had in my head was the single image I had of what I presumed was a Dream walker by her description. We never spoke about it, none of us did, it was a stain on our bloodline though perhaps until now had not proven to be genetic. I turned from Stella, angling my eyes downward a moment, irritated at- this. Was this my fault to? This dreamwalking? Had it been passed onto me somehow through Zeivah? I never spoke of my family- not intimate details and I never, ever spoke of my Mother, this was a first and yet for whatever reason I spoke it, quietly, for Andromeda’s ears alone.

"My....my Mother used to dream and walk. She had an episode when pregnant with Ferox and Serpahiel. She just got up in the middle of the winter, she went outside because she was afraid, she thought her dream was real, she was asleep but moving, like she was stuck in it or something. She ummm, she tried to jump off the cliffs of Trenus. Heyel grabbed her just in time but he couldn’t hold her, not on the ice, not with her weight. If it hadn’t been for Letum, my brother- they would have both gone over. It took both Letum and my Father to pull her away from the edge and all she did was scream and yell and shout. But don’t tell anyone ok? Nobody knows except our family and Dusk, the healer who came- we don’t talk about stuff like that...but....if I’ve given that to our son....I don’t.... "

I just turned away again. I can’t even have children right! Is there nothing I can’t screw up? Now my puppy was defective. Maybe I would build a door. I sighed and laid my head on paws once more. I’d have to make time later in the day to go and scream at someone about something because I have no idea what else I’m supposed to do when I’m angry with myself. What is Starfall walked off a cliff? I raised my head slightly once more as Andromeda spoke, head twisting to look back at the pups before she spoke and really I was glad for the change in subject- I even managed a smile of a kind.

"Well- all I did was eat and sleep I suppose. Guess times have changed from when I was a baby"

A smirk to match her own touched my lip at my sarcastically spoken words, her tail waving. Well, at least she was looking better, that was something. I snorted at her final words, teasing as I spoke.

"How hard can it be?"







AZRAEL

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"6 years ~ No Mate ~ Soul of Andromeda ~ Heyel x Zeivah ~ 41in 177lbs ~ Sire of Starfall & Guardian ~ Diveen "