I see a mosaic of threads interweaving, so beautiful- they come in more colors than flowers on the mountainside. They stretched and broke the seams which bled colors-colors of thousands-dropping onto my black fur. The colors stained me, and began to swallow me until I too was colorful. I don’t remember the pain, but I saw my arm tear from the middle, my bone exposed. I could see each digit in my paw, and how they connected to my rigid nails. I bled mouths with no faces, their tongues lolled and I looked inside their open throats to see purple. A purple light. It grabbed my face but I didn’t suffocate. I breathed in and felt the greatest pleasure, and the greatest pleasure was feeling the nothingness in my entire body. The images then came too fast, I couldn’t remember them all. But they remembered me.
I was shot out of this feeling of euphoria almost instantly at the sound of growls.
I couldn’t help but to swallow air violently and wretch out a hoarse, but sharp bark. There were other bodies in this cave, I could feel the heat rising from their flesh. I was a little bit pissed, even if it were for a stupid reason like being startled out of a dream laced in extasy (yes that spelling). I was selfish, but there was no other way to survive. Being selfish was natural, even in a pack you had to be selfish if you didn’t want to be pushed to the bottom. Where was Mastodon in all this?
A cool breeze drifted in the mouth of the crags, lifting the stale scent and whipping in the smell of light frost, and open flesh that was still warm. The smell made my stomach begin to pout, the pain of it’s emptiness made me sick. I was looking thin, but sometimes my strength grew in correlation to my desperation. I could look a little more scary when I was desperate for food.
He was alone, vulnerable and someone had already done the hard part for me and chewed him to bits. My stomach didn’t care that he was of my own image, I couldn’t help but to let the scent tantalize me, and tease me forward. I crawled cautiously from the dark, they wouldn’t be able to see or smell me down wind, I just wanted to get close enough…..maybe to taste. I had no shame, a great hunter or a pathetic scavenger- these titles were all the same to me. In the end it’s all about who’s left standing because-eventually- even names wash away from history. So who cares about notoriety-I want food.
Oh like a child, he was trapped. A baby bird with no feathers that fell from its nest. My eyes swelled, desire it what it was called. Madness even, or hunger. I came right to the nip of his ass, right then as I opened my jaws….someone came in to ruin it all. I retreated, like a spider in the corner I quickly withdrew to the empty shadows. Maybe she would leave.
No? She offered him a seed, it was something foreign to me to lend such love to a perfect stranger. It was natures intention for him to die here, right in front of me so I could savor what purpose he had left-which was to fill my stomach. It was a cycle, for one to die and another to live, and she ruined it. She fucking ruined it! To defy mother nature was to become a traitor and an enemy to her as well. I could feel it in me, the sickness defined as aggression. It wasn’t fair, it was meant to be and now the cycle of fate has changed! Kindness was over rated, and so is this new age healing bullshit! This was the crap that Mastodon let blanket his mind like last year’s snow. I’d never seen a seed save someone’s life with so much blood flow.
Desperation over rules humanity. I’ve got to eat. I stood up and stood over Iblis with one paw, protecting what I have already claimed in my heart. I swatted the seed from the ground, trying to toss it to the shadows.
I should’ve seen this next one coming, another meal lost because of him.
I hate you sometimes, Mastodon.

Mastodon:

I’d wake up. No, I’d already be awake. I just wouldn’t move all night, sometimes. I’d just lay there and watch the stars slowly walk across the sky, running from the sun as it rose over the corner of my eye. Sometimes I’d get more energy from not moving than sleeping. I could think. I could think deeply. It’s like dreaming with your eyes open. I fell deep that night in my own visions. It wasn’t hard to get lost in my mind. I mastered not moving. Not moving helped the visions come to life. Nobody could see what I could see in this world. It didn’t have to be real, I just had to pretend it was and that was real enough for me. They didn’t see what kind of performance I could put on, right here in front of me in this field. A strong mind doesn’t have to project outward, it can project inward too. It was the only magic that could be real around here. That and healing. Plants tasted good, but mom always said it was no surprise I was a sick child. She was too. Unlike her I no inherited deafness, it got worse as she was older. Now that she isn’t around I am sad how many times I would giggle at the way she spoke. Somedays she could barely hear herself, and her growls and whines wouldn’t quite sound right. But it was a good defense. Like a secret language. After a while, only Chryosynthe and I could understand her. She became vulnerable. We let her die. I don’t know what was more sad, that I couldn’t cry when I tried to-or that I don’t recall the feeling to show that emotion.
The thought made my stomach sick, I was embarrassed to take a bite but I ate like the rabbits did and chomped the tips of wild grass from their rhizome. I heard Chryosynthe. My peace didn’t last long.
What now. Might as well go look.
I walked. No rush, because if he was dead there was no need to hurry with the mess. If someone else was dead, well maybe I should try to get a bite in. Chryosynthe said I outta eat more, from the looks of it I was going to be a lot smaller than him when we grow up (oh but how wrong he might be?).
There two wolves. One shallow-toned, matching the snow. The other, almost blending in the shadow with Chryosynthe. I smelled blood. A lot of it.
When I was close enough, I felt like speaking but I first watched. Coming in talking was never a way to show off intelligence, if I had any- we will see.
It was easy to see what was going on. Cranky brother. Fresh blood and snow. Seeds. Mumbling female. She spoke weakly like I did, as if having no voice of her own. Maybe she too stood around all day casting images with her own imagination. Maybe not. She even offered the injured a seed, which came to a surprise. Rookie mistake.
I shook my head, only mildly disturbed. No No No…sit down and look at what your doing. You can’t give him one of those seeds when he has this much bleed-out you could poison him! I didn’t quite insult her, but mother had made me critical of a “job well done”. It was not worth doing something unless you could do it right, so it came natural to me to talk down to her. I am compulsive, but I’d argue I just do it better from watching all the time. Use the enzymes in your tongue, they take the infection out and stop the flow. I saw Chryosynthe creep from the darkness and put a limb over the male in claim. I don’t make a habit of defying Chryosynthe, because it’s a waste of my time to go on with him-but in this case I felt like shoving back. I snapped and caught Chryosynthe on the lip, I yanked a little to make him yip. Hes not dead yet, give it up asshole. I saw his face twitch, he wanted to murder me, but he was smart enough to realize how weak he was when he was hungry.
I bent down to the male, trying to lick at his side open side because at this rate he wouldn’t have enough time to stop all of his wounds. I swatted my paw near his face, just in case he tried to bite it was my way of saying, sit back and take it, or I’ll just back off and let my brother try it his way. There were too many strangers in such close proximity that fighting was about out of the question. Nobody would win if we all decided to take a nip right now. Hopefully this male would hold still, it was either be violated or ganged up on and made a meal of. I’d grow desperate if he were to fight me over this. Im not quite sure what desperate is like yet, im not Chryosynthe. I couldn’t tell you what my reaction would be.