At some point, I find myself thinking, and not for the first time or even the third time since coming here, that she might not come. I deserve to be stood up after what I did. I deserve her fury. Is it bad that even the thought of her angry sends chills of pleasure down my spine? Damn my love of pain and worse, my deep unfathomable love for her. I've never understood my feelings for her, not even from the beginning. At first there was only the pull of the imprint bond but it only got deeper. When we went for a run in that snow that winter, she unlocked a part of me I never even knew I had. I fell hard for her, like an anchor in the ocean. It's innocent in nature and yet the opposite of innocent in so many ways. The things I want to do to her, the things she wants me to do to her....not at all innocent. And yet I would never want to hurt a hair on her head. I didn't even think I could until last winter when I fucked it all up. I was lost in my head. I think that's the only reason I couldn't feel through the bond that it was really her, that I was hurting a real wolf.

And yet she forgives me. Worse still, she tells me she liked it, that she didn't mind at all. I guess that's part of what makes her my fated partner, how very alike we are in nature. She has that same damn love of pain. I wonder if I came to her this winter, if she would have another litter. I wonder if she would accept me. A part of me knows I shouldn't even be thinking such things. I have no right. I'm not her mate. I'm only her imprint, and yet what's stronger? My mate left me. Her own children don't even know where she is. An imprint is just a stronger bond than mating. Natalya left me but she came back. She couldn't even be with someone else because of me. And yet I have no idea what Kiska's doing right now, who she's with. What would I do if I saw her with another male? I would kill him, for one. I don't even care to know the male's name. He would be dead before he could utter a greeting or dip his head to me. I would rip out his jugular and feed it to her for the grief she's caused me. Just the thought makes my muscles tremor with blood lust.

And than that magical scent finds me and I am soothed like an instant balm. My muscles relax and my heart beat hammers in my chest but from excitement now, not anger. She's here, she came. I can tell that she's been happier as of late and I think it has something to do with me hanging around a little more. I've been trying to be good to her, a good father, a good imprint, a good friend, even, cause I know neither one of us has many. I don't even know if Heyel will talk to me after this whole war mess. I caused it. I deserve his wrath. I put my sons, my daughter in laws and my pack in danger. I put their lives on the line. I do not look forward to my punishment but I will accept it, either way. But now is not the time to be thinking of that. I am entranced by the silver sight trotting toward me, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. She's silent as she approaches, merely watching me expectantly. My features only falter a little, a pinch of pain in my eyes before I wipe it away, not wanting to ruin our day together. I'm reminded of how far we've come, of all I've done to her to make her approach me this way. There was a time when we would bolt to one another and wrap ourselves around each other, just wanting to feel whole, like we'd die if we couldn't touch.

And then there were the days when she was so pissed at me that she would only stand close enough for me to hear her. We've had a lot of ups and downs and yet throughout it all, she always comes back to me. I don't know what I've done to deserve it but something tells me I should start giving back. She has no idea what she means to me, what I'd do for her. It's time to start showing her. I watch her for a moment, mesmerized, a drowning man staring at a life jacket just out of reach. Finally I come to my senses a little, shaking my head as if to clear my mind before I offer her an adoring smile.

It's all I can think of to say at first. Finally I clear my throat and my smile deepens, lips tugging toward a grin.

Waiting for her reaction, I watch her intently before I start walking, following the river south and waiting for her to keep pace with me. My stride is slow and even, wanting it to be a leisurely walk but also wanting her suspense to build. I want her eager to for what's to come next. Finally we round the bend and I stop for her to take it all in. I found a little island where the river forks and surges around it, an almost perfectly round piece of land with snow gathered on it and one rose bush growing out of the center. It has three buds on it and they've frozen solid thanks to the plummeting temperatures, making an ice flower vase to set the mood. Around the bush is two carcasses, a young lamb not even a year old, tender as can be and still warm and fresh. The other is a yearling lamb, less tender but still good meat. I found them both with their mother and after heckling her some and drawing blood, she limped off and left her petrified children to me. I stand there, letting Natalya soak in the scene before I offer her another grin, my eyes gleaming.