I should have known he would come after me sooner or later. I haven't seen Amir since the day he came to me asking for forgiveness. I don't even remember what he actually did to need forgiveness. There was the whole ordeal in Trenus but we found out that Vague lied about that and he wasn't trying to attack Ruvindra at all. Like I have room to talk on that front. I wonder idly how she's doing but I can't help thinking about the satisfying burn of her blood running down my throat. Okay, so I'm not completely myself. I've been with Natalya but when I'm not with her, I still feel...off. I haven't been back to Diveen and I don't think I can face my children, any of them. I know they'll be waiting to punish me and believe me, I know I deserve it. I attacked a wolf of Diveen, so blinded by my rage and need for revenge for Fathom's death. I deserve worth than punishment but I don't expect them to show me that mercy. I will go and face it some day, but right now, I just want to be with my soul.

I can't just leave him lying there though. I know he came looking for me. Why else would Amir leave Diveen? He loves it there and his mate and children are there. He has no reason to leave except to find me, the one he thinks of as his father. I've tried to show him by my actions that I believe him to be just as much a son as any of my blood but it throws me off, thinking about my children and knowing I lost my daughter. She died right before my eyes and there was nothing I could do to save her. How can I face that? How can I see Kane, Zeteri, or Chance and not think about that? How can I see my new children, the children of Natalya, Adonis and Atania, grow up and know that I failed my daughter as a father? And not even once. I failed multiple times. I failed Stella or she would still be here. I failed Cordova or he would be here. I failed Valentina and even the living twins. I haven't been a father to any of them, just an absent failure.

And yet here he is, trying to track me down. Why? I guess I should go put him out of his misery. I walk stealthily over to him, coming up behind him where I stop and flick my ears forward, my expression a miriade of emotions upon seeing him. Confusion, pain, flashes of anger. Seeing any of my brood reminds me of what I lost, how I failed them. My mind wanders back to that darkness, the darkness I've been trying to fight since finding Natalya again. I find it hard to think straight.

My voice is blunt and to the point but at least it's not so cold and distant as it was. I try to keep my mind focused on what I'm trying to say but I take a hesitant step back in case he tries to approach me. I'm not sure I can handle the contact right now and the last thing I want to do is hurt him.