I'm beginning to feel like a Dungeon Dragon

soul forever her own | heart captured by none | Hastati for Glorall | no children |

She barked out a disbelieving laugh. "It's be wiser not to tell you," She growled back, trying in vain not to let his attitude affect her. Until now she'd only seen one side of him, and that side made her think he was nothing but an arrogant, self-obsessed brute. Now, though...He was still a brute, but he was a warrior. A fierce, unmerciful warrior. Could he even best her? She suddenly wanted to find out, had an urge to spar with him until there was a winner. She hadn't missed how his voice had gone calm and deadly, much like her's did when she was truly enraged. She repressed a shiver, mind mulling over why he'd be jealous that she had a brother. "If you hurt him I'll hurt you," she spat at him, trying to keep her anger burning with all her might. Imagining him hurting her Nootau helped, reinforcing her wishes to train the pup. He may be taller than him -just a bit- but he'd tear the poor thing apart. Nootau didn't have the same experience and he was outweighed. Plus, he didn't have rage on his side.

At his words she snarled but didn't deny it, knew that no matter how much she tried to disprove him he'd be right. Why was she so scared? She herself didn't even know. She'd just always been like that. Shunning love and help, making herself invincible and unbowing to such emotions. She had never depended on anyone other than herself. Sure, she let others think she depended on them, but when it came down to it, it was just her and her alone. She saw so many betrayed by the ones they thought they could trust, destroyed when the ones they so believed wholeheartedly in failed. She'd seen the grief when a loved one dies, the strongest when your other half went. It had made lesser wolves crumble. The stronger went on, trying to be happy. Maybe they could find contentment but that hole'd never be filled. Eventually, no matter how hard you fought or how much you tried, everything you love will go away. She didn't want that, avoided love to avoid the certainty of grief and dying first only to leave her love behind or dying last no while longer whole.

She was afraid of being let down, of the grief, of being a burden instead of a suitable mate. Her heart was deformed. Not broken, mind you, she never let anyone close enough to even scratch at the walls, but deformed. It didn't work right. It was never selfish, giving up food and shelter and even blood for complete strangers and even more for her own. She gave her first kill in days to Nootau and Adina when she happened upon them without so much as a lick. She fought off and killed a lynx for Nootau when he ran into her, fleeing the starving cat. She'd five up her den for anyone who needed it, content to sleep outside in the elements. It was never self-serving because it had never learned to be, and if it had once, it denounced it, disowning it. This was the first time it wanted something for itself and she couldn't figure out why. Her mind and her heart were separate entities, her mind controlling her emotions once she locked her heart away to gather dust and cobwebs. She'd never had a problem before, so why was it rebelling now? What about the merle made her insides mutiny?

She had only turned her back for a moment when he slammed into her, pinning her on her side. She reacted instantly with snapping fangs, growls, fur spiking, ears pointing straight up and teeth bared in threat. Her eyes were burning with azure fire though some part of her rejoiced, knowing this would happen and reveling in his closeness. She did shiver this time, warmth pricking her skin all over. Gradually her growls died in her throat, body relaxing against his. What was her excuse? She'd never felt like this before and didn't know how to handle it? That she didn't want to feel the grief when she inevitably lost him? That she didn't want him to risk getting hurt protecting her? Whatever the reason there were bound to be more, but she found that the good vastly outweighed the bad.

He pressed closer and she couldn't help it anymore. She'd berate herself later for it, but right now she couldn't go another minute without. She pressed her face to his chest, nuzzling into his fur. Her ears, once pricked, now laid back against her skull, her eyes closed as she breathed in his scent. She exhaled shakily, just how much she truly missed him making itself known in an instant. "Why?" Just a word, soft and muffled by his chest but carrying an elephant's weight. She needed to know why. Why he chased her so earnestly, why he needed to protect her.

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