KENSHIN
if I knew you were going to survive
I WOULD HAVE NEVER LET YOU FALL
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ITS A DREAM
She was watching him the whole time... he could sense those suns upon his dark cloak as if they were indeed the real thing-- which he was still under. The nervousness that had once filled him before was not as intense as it once was, but he, having wanted to hide himself away for months now, still shied from it. It's warm touch carressed him gently and carefully-- Kenshin could not get used to it. He would have to undergo serious mental preparation before he ventured into the light after this experience. When he returned to her pelt, he picked up (for the second time-- though he had believed it to be just a thought the first) the scent of a male, one that was different than his own. No irrational emotion went through him. The rogue was not that kind of varg. He did not allow himself the hopes or ideas that those around him did. He did not believe he deserved the same life-given rights that others were allowed. He held no attatchment to Kahlan besides having the knowledge that she had been the one calling him back. Kenshin had not even the slightest of fleeting thoughts when it came to emotion. And, this having been said, he did not have any sort of jealousy, envy, or sense of possession when this scent was confirmed. The brindled soldier ignored the musk and returned back to the sensation of at least touching another. It was something that he did not necessarily know of. But although it was foreign to him, there was a kind of comfort to it that he could not describe.
For a moment her muscles tightened, and Kenshin held his breath, not knowing if she was going to push him away or not. He had swung wide of her before, not allowing his tainted cloak to even have the notion of soiling hers... but she had cleaned him. He could not feel the weight of the blood upon himself anymore. It was as if she had purified him of his unholiness. And Kenshin was alright (for the moment) to stay where he was. This was all before he spoke his lengthy libretto to her. It was calm. The wind was soft and mixed perfectly with the heat from the sun. As he spoke, he could almost feel her thoughts running through her. He had censored most of it, keeping the fact that his shadow was practically the scarlet liquid that filled each and every creature... but when he did dip into it, she quivered. Kenshin quickly moved from the subject, knowing that it was ill to relieve ones own stress upon others. Perhaps she did not even want to hear it (despite her promise to listen to him should he ever want to share). When he was finished, there was a long pause of silence between the two. He set his head so that he was propped up on her shoulder, his amber stargazers narrowed against the piercing light. After a while of waiting for her reply that was surely, in his mind, to never come, he prepared himself to relieve her of his being so that he may not bother her again... but just as he was about to get up, her words shattered the silence. If you want to change, I will be here for you and I will help you. Kenshin, I will not leave you unless you wish me away. Her lyrics... they... they sent a wave of happiness throughout his body, reaching every dark corner that had ever been hid away from the piercing light. The rogue couldn't believe his own thought process at the moment. He found himself running through every godforsaken drill that had ever been given to him, spoken from the lips of an ice king. Every word that Kershov had ever filled his eager-to-learn brain with... and he couldn't even begin to keep track of where it was going.
He had been born to believe that he was a dog who couldn't live without a master. Old habits, many say, never change... and this was exactly the case for the varg lying upon the valkyries body now. He was someone who needed an authoritive figure so that he may not run amuck as he had been doing for the past month that he had not seen the fae of Saw Tooth who was now his life support system. That's what it was, in a crazed way, -- life support. His lungs were only filling with air because she had been there on the other side, beckoning him back into the land of the living. He barely even noticed her tongue pressing itself up against his dome, clearing the blood that had been on him before. So as soon as she finished her last word, and as soon as all these thoughts crashed through his brain as a train off the tracks does... he spoke up, definitely audible for her. Crips, clear, pronounced words.No-- It is impossible for me to live without you now, that it is. One might mistake this as something that it was not... and it was far from the words of a love confession. In fact he didn't even process the words as they flowed, instead allowing whatever it was that was in his heart to just fall as it may. Allow the pieces to do as they would like to do and see where it went from there. ...! He slid from underneath her skull qently so as not to startle her or allow her head to fall suddenly. The smile that had fallen weeks ago... was suddenly back on his facade, lighting his palette up with an awestruck expression. Flattering, no doubt, to be smiled at so heartfelt-like. And as he spoke, he tilted his head to the side, an acknowledgment that power had passed from Kershov to the most unsuspecting of creatures. I exist only for you, miss Kahlan. You, who has faith in me despite the things I have spoken... What she would do with the exchange of power was beyond his own knowledge. After all, souls are very unpredictable. They will always find ways to surprise you.
However, deep beneath the faithful mask that he had managed to imprint upon himself so strongly that it now held a battle with his previous life, fighting for control, there was something that was bothering him. Something that made him more sick to his stomach than any extent of blood-bathing ever had. There was something about Kahlan that he could not quite understand. When he realized just what it was, he almost wasn't able to restrain the hotness that blurred his vision. He turned his head away from her slowly, making it look as if he were observing scenery. Which, indeed he very well could have been. Being a creature of darkness, Kenshin had never seen light from the perspective he had been allowed access to at the moment. It was her scent. That's what was going to tear him apart if he delved too deep into it. Why? Because her scent... the scent that only a mother can give to her younglings, mixed with the blood of the pups' sire... Kenshin knew that scent. He recognized it. And that recognition... adknowledgment of that recognition, was suddenly vile to him. He felt as if he were going to empty his stomach of whatever contents it still held. She had spoken the words of ragnorak to him... and she hadn't even noticed it. Turmoil. I have my own dark past, which I shall tell you at a later time for now is not the moment... Grief. It was almost too strong to control. And the smile that had placed itself on Kenshin's lips suddenly disappated into nothingness. What would he do? He did not wish to deceive her. Though it was not necessarily "deceiving" if he himself had realized it just now. It was something she need not know if she had already grown past it. And so, with extreme quickness, he smiled again, the same childish one from before. If it is not too troublesome for you-- a friend would be nice, that it would.
TO WHAT COLOR… AM I DYED?
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