A part of my mind is well aware that this wolf I speak to and plead with to stay is not my former mate, and yet it can't break through the chaos of my grieving psyche to make me see anything other than the black and gold seductress that holds my heart to this day. She continues to snarl at me in warning, her hair bristled but I only see an uncertain Kiska thinking about leaving again. Why would she do this to me? Why would she appear before me only to want to leave me again? Why does she torment me so? She flattens her ears, her eyes continually seeking an escape route while I press ever closer, willing her with my fractured mind to stay.

Where my Kiska would stand and fight, she only wants to leave. I can see it in her body language, that she's bluffing, trying to warn me off when really all she wants to do is run. My Kiska would never run from a fight but then this is not Kiska. Of course my vision isn't at its best right now because it's being run by a tortured and bleeding mind. At one point I see flickers of pain in her eyes like she feels pity for me. Why should she? The idea only makes me more angry. She's the one who did this to me so why should she get to feel sorry for me? When I sigh, she hesitates and sniffs the air. She seems a bit curious as if she's got unanswered questions that she doesn't intend to ask.

She lowers her head, snarling once more and I don't hesitate this time to keep approaching. If she's going to bite, she can bite me. I might even like it. I would take any touch from Kiska right now, anything just to press my fur against hers. I'm so blinded by shock and grief that I can't see straight. I can't see that I'm scaring my own granddaughter, that I'm probably scarring her for life. She turns to look at the woods and I can see the purpose in her stare. She intends to run into the woods and lose me. My lips crinkle back, showing my teeth in a smile but it doesn't seem to appease her. I can smell the faint scent of fear coming from her and I pause only a moment to savor it. It's been too long since I've smelled the fear of another wolf, especially because of me. For a moment I'm back in time when I was an asssassin in my prime, eyes closed as I drink in the fear. That used to be my favorite smell in the world.

But it isn't now. It hasn't been for a long time. Especially not from the wolf I still believe to be standing in front of me now. Why would she fear me? Doesn't she still love me? As she tips her head back to howl, something in me snaps and I burst forward to stop her from leaving, aiming to catch her leg or something to hold her in place while I use my weight as a battering ram. She cuts her howl short and dodges with agile movements, snapping her jaws and grabbing a tuft of my thick fur. It hardly dampens my pain tolerance to have some hair pulled free but it does feed the beast within. She lunges and I attack, ramming into her chest and stomach as she rears up. Her claws rake at my thick fur, barely piercing the skin of my shoulders as I topple her over with my weight and send her rolling. I don't stop there, taking my chance as I move toward her.

As I press down on top of her, she retaliates with snapping teeth. I feel her bite my shoulder and I snarl in pain but don't back down. The pain only pushes me further over the edge. I continue to feel her teeth along my shoulder and legs, whatever she can reach as I snap with my own powerful jaws. She squirms and struggles, something not very Kiska-like. At one point, I snap down on her hindquarters and she cries out. Something about it doesn't sound right and the blood in my mouth doesn't seem familiar. Why doesn't it taste like hers? But my mind is too fractured to catch on just yet as she struggles to get away. She almost gets up but I grab onto her shoulder, slamming her back to the ground. She snaps upward at me, her teeth grazing my muzzle. Something about her eyes confuses me for a minute. Why are they both blue?

She yells at me something about hurting her and telling me to get off. I can't think clearly enough to go much further than this in my own mind before another crashes into me. Stella's body causes my own to stumble but when her jaws go for my neck, I react as a seasoned fighter, dodging low and jerking my head back up at the bottom of her parted jaws to snap them closed with a vengeance as I aim my own parted jaws at the front of her chest and neck. I'll use this to push her back with my own fury, one ear never turning away from the young she wolf I had pinned. Still in the thought that this is Kiska, I don't want to let her out of my sight. She mustn't leave me, not again.

At some point in this struggle, the scent of the new wolf hits me with familiarity but my mind is too broken to put the pieces together in this moment. My mind is too filled with the bloodlust of battle. With fangs clash with my back leg, I howl in pain and turn to face my new adversary, jerking my leg free before he can damage the tissue anymore than he already has. He has managed to rip the skin and tissue and jolt the bone but luckily it held out enough not to fracture or break in his grasp. I turn on him with a vengeance, jaws snapping at his slender head, aiming to fracture the skull or at least make him back off.

When yet another voice snarls, I don't even snap my head around to find the source even though the voice is familiar to me. My ears flicker but that's all he gets, my mind too warped at this moment to register that Heyel is here, my ally in so many fights and yet I'm in full battle mode now, attention diverted between Stella and Eden, waiting to see who attacks first. Suddenly I notice movement by my prize and I snap my head around with a savage snarl as Heyel goes to pull her free. He is talking to her but my mind only sees this as a betrayal, that he is helping Kiska escape. But why? What's in it for him? Is there something going on between them? My eyes darken.

When he yells, it is a clear command. My movements stop but my mind is still in chaos. I crouch in a widened stance, the battle stance of a warrior, eyes darting between my three adversaries evenly as I wait to see who will come at me first. I see Heyel lunging at both Stella and Eden but this doesn't kick my mind into clear thinking, it only confuses it more. Why would he help Kiska then help me? I don't trust it. As he goes for my own muzzle, I react accordingly, parting my own jaws to meet him teeth for teeth. They clash against each other, neither really catching hold though he does cut my lips up a bit with his canines. I back off instantly to see if he'll go at me again but his words make me blink, my body pausing to take them in. Brother....we have called each other this before but his voice holds a strange emotion, not the usual when we speak to each other.

Is that pity? My own features warp with anger at the thought of him pitying me. I spit back at him.

"She tries to leave me and you aide her? You know what it did to me, Heyel. You know I can't lose her again. Why must you torment me?"

My eyes turn on Calliel's mutilated form.

"Why must you TORMENT ME?!"

The last part comes out in a roar, anger bursting at the seams. My tail flicks behind me, all the signs of agitation still there. My pupils are fully dilated, saliva still dripping from my spasming jaws, my muscles unable to stay still. I watch as another wolf runs to Kiska's side and I know his scent. Meryl, the one who was treating Natayla.....Natalya...where is she? My mind sees fractures images of her huddled form in the den, not moving, not breathing. I shake my head with a vicious snarl, pushing the thoughts away. No, that's not real. I sniff the air and I can smell death, glancing toward the den but my ears flatten to my skull to show my discomfort with the situation. My mind is trying to show me the truth but I can't see it, not yet anyway.

I see Meryl talking to Kiska and I can smell his herbs. He intends to heal her but will he stand by and let her leave? I growl in warning, my eyes still darting between all that may challenge me. A young female rushes to Kiska as well, calling a name I recall hearing at the beginning of my conversation with Kiska. Calliel....I shake my head. I don't know this name. I don't know what she's talking about, what any of them are talking about. She is of no consequence, she is not a threat to me.

The next that arrives on the scene is Isola. I know her form but it does not register why she must be here. Why do so many rush in to help Kiska, a wolf who doesn't live here anymore? I can see instantly by the arch of her tail and the curling back of her lips that she's not happy but I don't understand the connection, not yet. She talks to the other wolves who attacked me before turning to me. At her words, I flick my ears, aware that something huge has happened. I try to catch keywords in my hazy mind. Her child, grandchild, king, uncle. All these words of family yet I cannot put it together. I glance at Kiska's wounded form, seeing only the one I wish to be with me right now and yet so many stand between us. I feel frustrated. Why can't they see that I only wanted to stop her from leaving?

I see flashes of what is truly there, a white coat instead of black, blue eyes filled with pain and fear instead of the confident blue and gold I remember so well. And yet each time I growl and my mind rejects them for something I want to see. I feel the pressure as Isola steps toward me and this time I'm able to pay better attention. She is exiling me from the pack? I blink a few times as if trying to make sure. My ears flicker, my stance straightening for the first time. She is ordering others to get me out of Diveen. I glance at them, unseeing, before looking back at her. My gaze wavers to Heyel and then to the one I see as Kiska, my eyes softening to something affectionate and longing. I don't fully understand in this moment what I have done, my mind is too far gone, or at least too far for anyone present to seize it and bring it back.

I feel Isola pressing and I'm sure the others will be pressing as well. I take a stumbling step back, my gaze sweeping back to the den and something that lies within. But what is it? My mind struggles to remember. There's something important there, but I can't recall what. I take another stumbling step back, growling in warning at Isola. I see another wolf and recognize Amir. He seems disoriented and lost, his eyes filled with emotion as he looks between me and Isola. When I glance at him, my eyes are not focused, not seeing. It's easy to see that I'm still not all here.

And then that voice...like an arrow piercing through the night, that sound so sweet and familiar touches my ears and in a moment all is forgotten as my head snaps around, eyes alighting on her charcoal form as it slides so gracefully from the shadows. She speaks soothingly, telling me she is here and a growling purr rumbles in my chest, a growl of pleasure as I see the golden halo that I remember and the eyes of gold and blue. She's here...she's really here...as her gaze wanders, my own goes to follow, like a puppy following its new owner. It is with a complete obsession that I see what she's seeing, the chaos I have caused. I see not Kiska but a white and gold wolf now, a young female that smells of Kane and Isola. A child...a grandchild. And then the pieces start to fall together as she questions what I've done even as I see the injuries my fangs have opened.

My eyes widen, my whole body seeming to slump with defeat as I see the bloody mess of a child that I have done. What have I done? My tail lowers, my legs trembling for a new reason now. I am an abomination. I have hurt my own blood. As Kiska backs away, a distressed whimper falls from my lips and I follow in her wake without questions. She wouldn't even need to plead for me to come for all it takes is the haunting perfume of her to make me surrender everything. I don't even look back at the gathering as I bolt after her, eager to be alone with her. My back leg is on fire now that my mind is clearing up and again, there's a prickling that something important has happened. I glance back only once, my eyes finding the den that I shared with another. Another...Natalya. If I look close enough, I can just make the gray and silver bundle of fur that lies unmoving in the shadows...but one glance is all it takes before I'm lost to the night with Kiska, following her to the ends of the earth.