From afar I had observed both Natu and Church, the way their abdomens swelled much the same as my mother’s had when she had carried Haven and Idunn within her womb. As I looked upon them I would often cast a sideways glance at my own belly, the way it too had started to take shape. At first I had tried to convince myself that I had simply put on some weight for the winter, that perhaps my coat was growing in thicker the older I got. But at some point I had to accept the inevitable – I was with child. Leonidas’s child. Children? As I lay upon a rocky outcropping, I lifted my head and glanced at the swelling, noting the unmistakable bulge. Unless he was as large as my grandfather Thunderbone at less than a month into development, there was no way it was only one pup in there. When first I had acknowledged my pregnancy – to myself – inner turmoil had ensued. After that afternoon when I had saved him from the clutches of death time had stood still, all was forgotten and we simply embraced life together….and created new life in those thralls. But in the aftermath we had parted; I had returned home and he had disappeared into the endless white of winter. Where was he now? Part of me knew he would never, could never, be a real father to the whelps that grew within me each day.

Finally I pushed up, rising to my paws and shaking the snow that clung to my fur away from me. I would not dwell on what could have been, what might never be. My mind shifted once more to thoughts of Church and Natu’s pregnancies. I could not be more happy for them both, especially in knowing that Ragnarok and Church would create a family here much the same as Zildjian and Tera once had. But what of Natu? Only a fool would miss how Fenrir’s scent clung to her pelt, and I knew he to be the father of the litter that had manifested in her womb. Could I forever deny them their father’s presence upon the mountain? Even I was not entirely impervious to holding grudges, and as my emotions swung so heavily in these late times I often flipped back and forth between wishing for him to become a pivotal member of my pack and hoping for his ultimate demise. Consciously I knew that I could not think clearly about the matter, for knowing how greatly Fenrir had hurt my brother Taliesin had greatly swayed my opinion of the black wolf. But I counted Natu as a friend, and could I do such a thing to her? Would it ultimately drive her away?

I moved away from the outcropping where I had rested, picking up an easy jog as I made my way into the heart of the territory. At first I thought to seek out Taliesin, to garner his permission to invite Fenrir to become a member of Spirane. But then I recanted my decision, instead turning to follow a path that I knew would lead to my Hand’s den. I sought Pan, for he above anyone else could give me clear guidance on this issue. He was, without a doubt, the most unbiased individual I had ever met. He was a few other things as well, but I had found a certain level of affection for the long-winded golden wolf that I counted as my most trusted advisor. Though I had not seen him in some time, this was a matter that required his attention.

As I neared the place where I knew his den to be, I wondered if he and Niviaq still shared in this location – despite the fact that their children were grown. But her scent still mingled with his, and I smiled softly. Though he was a quirky fellow, he was the completion of her soul. Part of me still yearned to steal Meryl and his Yin away from Diveen, to make them part of my pack so that he would always be near. But somehow I knew that it was not meant to be.

“Pan?” I called out, glancing around, hoping he was nearby. “I seek your counsel, my friend.” Though I did not know him well, I still counted him as friend. He had advised me well in the past, and I knew he would do the same this day.