So quiet, since the day her father and uncle had fell to the bear she had spoke little. Clinging to her sister, brothers, and mommy as if in some way they too would disappear. Her little heart aches as if it has actually been torn by the murder of her father at the hands of the beast. It is in this time she watches with those pale green eyes as they reveal a fact she does not know how the absorb. She is different, so different from her siblings and mommy. None of them have wept at his loss, they accepted it for they know it cannot be changed. Yet for the little one whose heart seems to reside on the tips of her hairs it feels as if her life has shattered, a piece missing at the absence of her daddy and she feels so disconnected from her family despite her utter attempt to change it. Tears no longer leak from sad eyes, holding in her weakness as if to shield it from them, not wanting to burden them with something they seemed to have moved on from. So like her sister she remains quiet, silent as things begin to return to normal when really she is breaking within.
With mommy once again contained within the den she has not left her side, clinging to the only parent she has left. He is here always, the black fellow. The one that holds mommy as if he cares for her. Reich. She cannot deny the happiness that mommy is not alone in this time of chaos yet there is also another emotion that is so foreign to her that is hidden beneath it. For who is this male to hold her? To place himself at her side? The feeling is so muted she does not even linger on it but it is there. For her mommy's happiness trumps any jealousy that could ever form. Perhaps it is the fact he is a constant figure that eases her, let's her know he is not just some stranger but a true piece to her mommy that makes her crave him as well. Though he is no Hazie, she cannot help but want Reich to hold her as well. To cradle her, embrace her. The slight guilt she feels at needing him, he will never be her daddy but her little heart desperately craves that male figure that was taken from her and so she seeks it in Reich even if he is not blood.
Days have come and gone since his death, mommy's recovery is progressing along with her memories as her little ears are filled with vile curses that spew from mommy's lips at the fact daddy is gone, that he has left her, left them. She hopes mommy does not mean it, for her rants never last long when Reich is near but as her mommy hisses at the absence of daddy this day no longer does the gentle child hold her tongue.
"Hush.." That one word is gentle and so soft, even as it is accompanied with a startling growl. She is not sure who is more shocked herself or mommy. As the silence in the den seems to bleed with tension. Pale green eyes glistening with a wet sheen as they beg forgiveness at her innocent reprimand yet her body disputes it. She had not meant to voice the word, but she can hear no more of mommy's words. As little ears flatten upon her skull as she cowers away, little feet taking her out of the den. Afraid to look back at her mommy in fear she will be mad at her. Lost. That is what she feels. As if her little world had twisted and flipped upside down. Unsure which way is up, down, left, and right. All she knows is that she hurts, hurts for them all and her little heart cannot take the pain. As soon as the light hits the cream, red, and gray coat she runs, even as mommy whimpers her name.
Paws hit the dirt softly as she runs away from it all, pale green eyes blurring at the unshed tears she had held in for the mere sake of her family, to hide her weakness. As they no longer can be contained as a sob is choked from her throat as she runs as fast as her little body will go. She knows they can catch her easily but for this moment she wants to be alone, and that makes her cry harder at the guilt she feels at wanting to be alone from them. Her love for them everlasting even in her pain. She will apologize later, kiss away any pain she has caused by her actions but not now, for now she wants to release some of this heaviness that lingers in her heart so they may not witness just how weak she is compared to them.
Oh how she craves to be strong like Vaddy and Anze and to be so stoic as Illa, yet she is not. She is the ash to their fire. Just an effect to their power, when she herself holds none. So much violence and blood shed flows through her veins yet not one ounce seems to have taken in her. While her siblings play and fight with the others she worries over them, never joining in for the desire to harm another is not there. Just the thought of causing anyone pain makes her little heart seize. Even Hazie is strong, for she can still hear his harsh words at mommy as he dragged her from daddy. So why is she so different?
In her blind run her little feet trip over one another as she tumbles to the dirt, yet she does not stand merely lays as she is as she whimpers and cries. As the heart that holds so much love seems to bleed from the loss and agony it holds. Every tear revealing everything she feels as she curls into herself, as if attempting to hold herself together in fear she will fall apart without her own embrace. So lost in herself she does not even know if Illa is close until finally her sobs dwindle and her heaving chest slows. Pale eyes burning as she tries to sleepily blink them open yet is pulled into sleep, where there is no pain, no weakness, just mere silence and for the first time she is free from everything she feels.
Semele