This year has been a hard one for them all. The deaths or Ifrit and Neirin had weighed heavy on the minds of the others and Seamus dealt with hips that sometimes did not wish to function. Only Fenrir had come out of it whole and unharmed and sometimes Natu thought it was selfish but she thanked the fates. To lose him after just finding him would be a devastating blow. Yet the fates - they were cruel. They couldn't let her life be filled with such incandescent happiness for long. The grieving for the males had begun to abate and on the heel of it she had taken Alistair on a run towards Spirane to fetch Sven. It was time for him to come an visit with them, time for her to show him his news family, and yet she had been intercepted to be told the most devastating news. Tell Natu-mom- that I am sorry I was in the way. Those words had transferred from Swallowbanes voice to Sven's in her mind and she awoke the last few nights with jerks and gasps of breath as he stood before her, so alive and real, on a cliff's edge and spoke them to her.

Fenrir had not pressed her for details. For that she was truly glad because she wasn't sure she could bear the guilt to admit such a folly to him. Yet it ate at her with wicked teeth, gnawing and leaving her bereft. She had moments of intense sadness that made her tuck herself in the den and sleep and then she could shake it off for a few moments to spend time playing with the children. It would fade, this hurt, and as it began to abate in it's place was a fury. Fury at Sven for doing this when he could have left; fury at herself for not changing the course of fate and returning him to his home when he was a pup. For waiting so long before even trying.

The noise of paws brushing against the cool dirt of the dens draws her attention as the shadowed figure of her mate appears with three priarie dogs hanging from his mouth. The children had begun to gnaw and chew on the meat so it took much to keep them sated. She watches as he drops them with pale eyes and a grumbling belly that tells her she has waited too long. She closes her eyes with a resounding sigh as his nose touches beneath her neck. "Yes, my shadow," she replies in a sleep-cracked voice, one paw reaching out to dig into a dead dog and pull it closer to her. "I am sorry," she murmurs, lifting her head up to lick him across his cheek. "It is... I mean... why?" The last word comes out a growl as she glares at her food. "Why? Why have I lost all before and continue to do so? What if I lose you or the children? I cannot live with that, Fenrir. I am not quite so strong as you are."