It is not the loss of the child that bothered me most, it was the loss of the dream, the loss of that little bit of perfection that we had created. I wonder, if I had not been so weakened by her, would Adonis have been able to accept her better, or perhaps if she were male he would want her. Next time, I tell myself, if there is one. It was my duty as a female to provide us with a progeny, something of ourselves to mold and meld into what we want them to be, something that we can look back and be proud of. An empire to rival the Angels in Diveen. I do not think he would like my plan over much, but, maybe if I make it seem as though he came up with the thought...

Either way, I cry for the loss he has given me, taking my dream and shattering it with his harsh disapproval. All I want in this life is to know he is proud of me, and if I build something that he not knock it down out of some jealous fit. I am a creature of ambition, of drive, and I will not be denied by one who is as I am. Perhaps, he was right this time, and as I lay against his solid form once again, I am reminded of something Mother told me when I was only a pup and Adonis was off in training with Ava. I was jealous, angry that he had not brought me along with him as he normally would have on any other adventure, but Mother had calmly and plainly stated, 'You must let him be his own wolf, Atania, even siblings need a rest from each other.' I told her if he needed space he would get it alone, if I could not have him every waking second, no one else could use the time he serves away from me. Was this how he felt about the child? So fiercely possessive of one another that nothing can touch the other, nothing can come between us. It is then that I realize the truth of our situation. "I will bear another child...Doni, what of our line? Will we let Natalya fade so easily? I know you loved her first, before me, can we not honor her with a lineage of us?" I say it after his praise, knowing the ire I would provoke and not caring about the consequences, but resting against his chest all the same.

I regret that I did not take the moment to appreciate his embrace, and that I stoke the flame while being so near to it, but even as I feel that storm of wishes and wanting beginning to take root in my own heart, I know a red tide erupts in his. In this battle of wills, I must win, I must. I cannot ignore my instincts, I cannot stop the ever whispering voice saying 'make something.' And, my heart demands I make it with him. If I must fight every day until I get what I want, I will, because I owe it to myself, to my little ghostflower. I prepare myself to feel the heated pain of his fangs, the pleasure they have brought to me already and the cuts that still bleed shallowly on my skin already burn in anticipation. I will win this, please believe me. He will give me what I want as he always has, and nothing will change between us. "It would bring us closer, it would be something to remind me of what our love can accomplish, how do you not understand this?" I only want a family, only want what every other female gets to have with her other half.

This will be put to rest before I let myself come back to him completely, I need his surrender this time, and I will get it if I have to talk or snap my way to victory.