I had been given directions to the land that was flat, because that is what I desired, the flat land with plains that stretched for miles, because I remembered them, or I dreamed of them. Is dreams and memories a different thing? Perhaps I should ask my Father of that, although his answer was sure to only baffle me further with it’s technicalities. I always was a disappointment to him, but I don’t mind, I love him still even if he feels my mind is made of nothing but dust. He feels I am not curious of the world like sister Pandora, but I am. I am just looking for something it would seem no one can find. Each earthen brown limb extends only further as I head towards the border line of the pack that is flat, or so I was told, golden touched paws resting in place along the border line as my eyes so equally golden searched the land before me. It was flat, fields of grass and a scattering of trees and yet I was not so sure this was the place I was looking for. I was closer, to be sure and yet I suppose I had believed I would know it when I saw it, foolish really to hold such a reality and yet I suppose I had.
Maybe I just needed to go inside a little more. One golden paw lifted, stepping across the scent marked line before I halted once more, lip turned upward in distaste. Had I truly been about to merely stride in? No, it was better to wait I think, before asking whoever was in charge if I could come in, my pelt still holds the scent of my birth pack after all, each fur entwined with the scent of pine and snow and mountain air. I would always love that mountain the same way I love the sun or the air- but it is not where I was meant to be, living forever alongside my parents. I was two years old after all and maybe I still had growing to do, after all, my form was nothing but young muscle and long limbs….limbs I would learn later would be forever long- just as my Grandfather long forgotten. So I sat and I waited, it only seemed fair, maybe I could stay within this flat pack and if not, maybe they could tell me where the land I dreamed off was.
I let my head lift upward, the howl that escaped my throat a jumble of sounds, a mixture of child and adult, my form not so very sure whether I was boy or man just yet and truly such a thing echoed within my voice. Perhaps they would not answer the call of one not yet fully grown and perhaps that shall be there loss. I know what I am, even if my Father does not. It is merely the Who I am that so seems to escape me in these moments. So I waited, quiet and stoic and silent as always, I never saw the use of words when they remained un-needed and with no one save my mind to offer speech to I think it was well and truly wiser to remain quiet, don’t you?
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