I had caught her scent on the wind. I know I did. Mother came back. Well, not completely back, but she did make her presence known. I haven’t seen her in nearly four years now and I am desperate to see her again. I want her to see how I’ve grown. Maybe she can let me hunt with her and I can then I can use her teachings and show her that I had memorized her lessons perfectly. To prove to her that I hold some value and that she can at least see me and not my Father. Maybe then she will stay with me. Perhaps she will spend some time with me and I can just be whole again.

Living with a pack has taught me the value of having support, comforting a side of me that always dreaded the terrible feeling of being alone. I am alone of course, but it is soothing to know that others I can rely on are around me. I wonder if Mother would appreciate not feeling alone anymore. It must get difficult sometimes, to wander this world alone, to not have anyone to rely on, to not have anyone care for you. I care for her. She abandoned me, I know. I know it is silly to want good things for my Mother, but…in the grand scheme of things she did me a kindness. She could not care for me and she knew I was better off being a part of a pack. I just wish I could do something thoughtful for her, something to show her that someone could care for her, appreciate her, see value in her…even if she may not want such things – I wouldn’t know. I just…I am her child and all children want to make their parents proud.

I am still sick. Sen is taking good care of me. I am sneaking out of my den, because he isn’t around and I don’t want to miss getting the rare chance to see her. Last time I snuck out he wasn’t too happy with me and I hate making others unhappy. But I am sure if he catches me gone he will be a bit understanding if it was about me seeing my Mother. My long ebony limbs blessed with crimson at the bottom carries my lean frame towards the Riverside, lucky for me I am not terribly far away. Yet it would seem that I cannot walk as fast as I thought I could. Her scent is old, lingering within this area for a few days, and I cannot help, but let out a loud sigh that was half sad and half frustration. She came and I did not all because I was sick and weak. Shaking my head I held back the whimper that was caught in my throat. It pains me to think that Mother was here and I didn’t get to her. What if she had been waiting and assumed I was dead! I know my scent is weak, just like me, and it is awful that I aim tainted with this sickness, but I never thought this would get in the way of me seeing Mother.

Frantically my violet eyes scan the borders hoping, praying, that she was still around, just hiding from me, but of course I was trying to hide my regret. I cannot manage to hold myself up too long, due to my weariness and despair, I fall to the ground as another half sob and whimper is given, my head laying over my paws as I curl myself up in the ball. My body hidden within the thick reeds not caring who saw me. My mind racing as I remind myself that I was simply not worthy enough to Mother, and even though I was in a pack, I still wouldn’t be important to anyone – I still didn’t hold any value. I shouldn’t put so much weight on what Mother thinks of me, but I cannot help it…if she cannot see for what I am worth then perhaps no one ever would.