you are the light to my soul

The feel of the cool earth beneath her belly, as a slight breeze ruffles her fur. Pale eyes lays fixated on the sight before her, watching as three blended images of black and white played and romped through the fallen leaves now scattered at the mouth of the den. A soft laugh escaping as her little brother seemed to valiantly defend their sisters from a rouge leaf. Their squeals of laughter causing her own body to wiggle in place, their happiness blending into her own as she looks on with affection and love. At the approach of another she quick to look, pale eyes watching as tumbling bodies trip over one another to nuzzle at the presence of mother. The steady sway of her tail joining in on the excitement as mother guides them past her into the den, a passing nuzzle against her cheek as orange eyes seem to laugh silently at the boisterous children following her in. It is the sight after that causes her heart to constrict slightly, an ache forming as she watches the close bonded trio filled with bliss.

She turns away from the sight, torn by selfish thoughts and reprimanding guilt. It is not that she disliked their bond perhaps more so she envied it. For the only one that still lingered from her litter was Illa, and she clung to her like a lifeline. She was her best friend, her other half. A bond that could never be severed. Yet she had seen so little of her silent sister as of late. Vladimir and Panzer had been absent since the fall of their father. The brothers she once shared the womb with were gone and not even a whisper in the wind let her know of where they were. Was this how it was suppose to be? Would Everett end up leaving without a word as well? No. Abruptly she stands, drawing the lingering eyes of mother as she disappears within the brush and is comforted by the wild of the peaks. Away from painful thoughts and hoping when she returned no one would be gone. The absence of her brothers was not something vocalized within her family, just accepted. Yet she had never accepted it, merely hoped one day everything would return as it was and that day has yet to come.

She runs. It was not often she unleashed her speed, it left her unable to take in the beauty around her but today she does not want to stop and linger. Recent memories of her trip to Iromar and how she reacted upon hearing and seeing the battle of reptile and wolf appear in her mind. The loss of not only her father but Vladimir and Panzer. It seemed her connections to a life that once was, was vanishing and she could do nothing to stop. Holding out a heart that craved the love of her siblings, waiting and waiting. Vladimir was her match, much like Everett was to Liah and Lailah. They were images of a father no longer here and she does not even have him to look upon. To remember his voice, his size, his scent. Nothing but a memory. She is unsure of where all this was coming from, perhaps it has just been silent; building. But watching the sight of her younger siblings enjoying one another makes her feel the loss of her own. The steady pounding of her heart as she flies across the mountainous terrain, the rush of air lulling her and forcing her mind to still and be silent against the roar. Even in this confusion and feeling of loss her body unknowingly leads her to a place it deems safe, one shared with another. As pale eyes are quick to glance up at the ascent before she jumps, paws clinging to the rocky steps as she storms its stairs with intent.

Confusion soon begins to settle in, along with a slight unease of panic. For in the end would she be left as well? Would mother and Reich move on after all the children have grown? Would her remaining siblings just pass her by on occasions? Was this what her life was preparing her for? Loneliness? After all her brothers has left so easily she cannot help the fear that everyone else would as well. As her feet finally find the surface of rocky ledge, watery gaze is pulled to the sight that will hopefully soothe her and instead find something else entirely that causes her to still. Even in her hurt her tail is quick to sway, a soft whimper escaping even when a timid smile breaks her lips, trying to portray something much stronger than what she really is. Wondering if maybe she was not so alone after all..

you hold me in your hands

ONE - CRONE OF SPIRANE - SISTER OF SIX - IFRIT     & EVERLYSE