IP: 176.12.107.140
Posted on September 17, 2015 at 00:44:32 AM by Saffron
Warning This Post May Contain Referances Unsuitable For Younger Readers. That Is All.
The Mirror Knows Not
She’d heard wrong, she had to have heard wrong. It just didn’t make sense. Why now? Was it some cruel trick of fate or just some sick coincidence? It may not have been the worst timing but it was pretty damn poor. Why did her brother have to choose now to come back? A couple of weeks ago Saffron would have been delighted to see her brothers face again. Not that she’d have shown it of course; no first she’d have had to have given him hell for leaving her behind but underneath that she’d have been relived and happy to have him home safe. That was a couple of weeks ago though. Today she wasn’t sure she could look him in the face and not burst into tears. It seemed at that moment that crying was all she could do. Ever since the stupid Omniety when she’d jumped off a waterfall and found herself in the past. It was her own stupid fault she could have gone anywhere, done anything else but no she had to let her curiosity guide her. She just had to give into that desperate needy part of her that had craved answers she wasn’t prepared for. Why, why did she have to brave? Why couldn’t she have been coward? It was because she was stupid. Because she’d foolishly needed to believe that she could change things. That somehow, someway it would work out like it did in the books with the happy endings; that she could have made her stay. She’d forgotten that her life wasn’t a book and she wasn’t guaranteed some sugar coated happy ending. It wasn’t something she was like to forget again. Life was no fairy story and no matter how good you were or how much you loved someone they could always let you down even harder. No matter how bad you thought things were already and how far down the ladder you’d fallen they could still get worse and there was always another rung to go. It didn’t matter if they were blood; family could still leave you, still hurt you, and still betray you. And whenever they did it just left you with a sick empty feeling inside that just got worse every time it happened. That feeling of betrayed trust hadn’t stopped her wanting family, wanting her brother after the Omni though. She’d wanted nothing more than to hug him and scream at him. To let that anger out, that hurt out. Instead she’d gone to the only person that was around, the only person that always stayed around; Nimmy. Saffron couldn’t say it, couldn’t admit it but her mother had at least chosen well when she’d decided to leave her son and daughter. As a child she hadn’t understood why her mother had left them with some strange woman but overtime she’d realised that at least Nimueh was there and she cared for them. Nimueh was what she wanted her mother to be. In her few early memories of her mother she remembered her as caring; as loving. Time and the Omniety had taught her otherwise. Nimmy was everything Serafina wasn’t. Nimmy was kind. Nimmy was good. Nimmy wasn’t a killer. That’s why she didn’t want to see her brother. Why she’d spent days holed up in her room not eating. Why when she’d got back from Dragonbone Moor she’d fallen into Nimmy’s arms crying. She still hadn’t been able to explain to her why. She couldn’t voice it. Saying it out loud made it real. Her mother was a murderer and that’s why she’d given her children away. Ever since she’d found out she’d been filled with so many questions and so many insecurities. With the arrival of her brother back in the castle she’d been filled with even more. Had he known? Had he found their mother on his travels and just decided not to tell her to protect her? Or did he really not know? If he didn’t know was she supposed to tell him? How could she tell him? She felt no better for knowing the truth wasn’t it just cruel to tell him. The selfish part of her wanted to tell him. It needed someone to tell, to share the pain with. She wanted to be a coward and tell him, she didn’t want to be brave and bare it on her own. She wanted to be a coward and keep avoiding him, avoiding everyone. If she hid from the world it couldn’t keep hurting her, could it? Nimmy had been the one to tell her, her brother was back. Saffron was surprised he hadn’t already come to her but apparently he’d been distracted or accosted by their cousin. That was fine as far as Saffron was concerned it gave her time but not enough. She wasn’t sure there’d ever be enough; she was never going to be ready to face him. It had to be done though. The same way she’d had to have her answers, she had to see her brother. To scream, to cry, to talk? Saffron didn’t know, she just had to see him. Still she delayed as much as she could, she’d paced around her room for longer than necessary and practically dragged her feet down the halls till came to his room. It was surprising really that he hadn’t come to her before she went to him. She doesn’t hover as long outside his door there seemed little point Era would surely smell her. The small knock he gives before opening the door is probably equally pointless but it was more habit than anything else. Especially pointless as Saffron doesn’t bother waiting for him before she pushes the door open and steps inside. She doesn’t quite make it across the threshold instead she hovers switching weight from one foot to the other nervously. “Hi,” the word escapes her lips, so dead, so emotionless and so completely inadequate. ”So, your back then,” there it is again that same empty voice she doesn’t quite recognise as hers. She doesn’t know why she’s being like this exactly. She doesn’t want to be cold. She doesn’t want to be mean. She doesn’t want to be their mother. But if she allows herself to crack, to start feeling, to care it won’t stop and she doesn’t want to feel it. She doesn’t hurt to come back. She wants to be a coward. Your Values Are All Shot
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Replies:
- turn to walk the path in my reflection; - By grayson September 17, 2015 at 03:02:36 AM
- I Will Not Speak Of Your Sin - By Saffron October 7, 2015 at 06:15:49 AM
- O infamous city, full of turmoil - By grayson October 8, 2015 at 00:06:36 AM
- I Will Not Speak Of Your Sin - By Saffron October 7, 2015 at 06:15:49 AM
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