I am not ready to be a Mother I think. I mean I didn’t really know how to raise another wolf let alone actually have any knowledge on what to do in the first place. Mother never really taught me just how to take care of another pup nor did she really treat me as one. I remember when we would go out of Iromar and to the outer lands I watched as some Mother’s took care of their little ones around my age. Those Mother’s were friendly and playful with their pups. Mother was never like that with me. Every day it was always a new lesson and there was hardly any time for play. Honestly, I do not think Mother ever played before. The only wolf within Iromar that had pups was Vera, but she was hardly around and I never did observe how she cared for her two little girls. In fact – I haven’t seen any of them at all in such a long time. I’m not sure what I am going to do with the little ebony and crimson creature that is huddled up against me and taking in the milk I provide, but I know I do not love it. I do not care for it. I do not want it nor do I want it near me. Yet I know it has to live, but I don’t necessarily want to keep it living. I want it gone. I want it dead. I want to believe that this never happened to me...that I did not allow another to violate me...that I was not weak. Is it wrong of me to think this way?

I remain lying where I was within the cave I was once born in years ago. Even before Mother left me here in Iromar I always felt so very cold within this cave. When I was a pup and I wanted to curl against her for warmth at night she would push me away. Feeling the newborn’s warmth beside me felt so unusual and absolutely cruel...almost as if he was with me. I whimper softly unsure with myself and what it was I needed to do. I am back home, but I do not feel like it is my home again. I have been away for far too long and after being attacked I do not think I can feel safe here within the swamps. Yet I cannot leave my home. I was promised to Andras and Iromar and I would not betray that promise. I wish I could see him again, but I am sadden and ashamed. I do not want to go to his cave and admit to him of my shame and weakness. I never wanted to disappoint him. That is why I have stayed away from him and his cave...no one has yet to inform me that he was dead.

As I lie here mourning the fact that the parasite within me has been born and is alive I heard my name being whispered. Lifting my head I can peer through the mouth of the cave and through the willow’s reeds a figure of a wolf...by the scent of it a male one. Tense and nervous my thick ebony and crimson fur rise up half-way feeling anxious and afraid at the same time. I do not know him, but he does smell of the swamps and so he must be one of our own. It is the sound of Aithne’s growl that causes me to growl back in fear that perhaps I was wrong. Yet as she apologizes to the male I grow quiet and lay my head over my paws. When Starfall comes my tail sways side to side, pleased to see him, but when he turns his back on me my tail stops moving, and I sigh in discontent. I am not sure why he does not join me within this cave, but I can only assume it is because he too does not want to be near the unwanted pup. Their meals they have dropped off in front of my den is met with indifference. I am not hungry right now. I am just tired and I allow my violet eyes to slowly close. Sorrowfully I speak softly afraid to admit my candor.

“I...Is it wrong that I do not want it? It is a curse, it...it is a jinx...that is what her name will be, Jinx.”