Strength is a skill I will never have but some stroke of fate and grand design. This male was huge compared to me but I liked that only because it reminded me of safety. Of Carni. And that reminds me of my loss and I am back on the same damn spiral I was before. Who is this stranger that seems to know my soul and my heart so easily? Probably some out of his luck wolf who could tell I looked like shit. I used to take such care of myself but it seemed almost a waste of time now. Why clean when I would have to clean again soon after? Why worry about eating when it would never satisfy me enough to last forever? The memory of food makes my stomach growl in a painfully loud manner, one in which draws my ears back in annoyance as I glare at the ground. I can tell he is confused by me. It seems like I was creating something disastrous here. Leaving seemed a good, familiar option. Running, but I can't. Im stuck and I am saying things to a stranger I should never have said even to myself because it hurts. Because it is true.

Because, in the end, we all die alone.

For a moment I open my jaw to apologize to him. I didn't have to be so curt, so weird, but my jaw snaps shut with just a small croak coming out as I swallow my words. I wouldn't apologize to him. Exodus the stranger. I had a right to my feelings, I think, so I will just keep on feeling them. I am thankful that he looks away from me in this moment of privacy and let out a wobbly sigh as I sit. Maybe talking will make it better. I wished Solitaire hadn't disappeared. I wished my brother was around - where was he anyways? Just someone. But I had this Exodus male and he didn't seem to mind me talking.

I think... I think he agrees with me. I think that there is sadness there and it eases mine somewhat. It might be selfish of me but I felt better knowing he was upset too. "No. I was born in Iromar but I haven't lived there in a very long time. I live in the grotto," I said, feeling like opening up was a weight lifting from me. "With my daughter," I say now, glancing up with narrowed eyes to see what he would say. It is obvious by my belly that it was a recent birth, this season, and the pup still young. "Her dad is dead." I blurt the last part out because I can't help it. In some way I have to acknowledge it out loud, that he was gone, that she was only mine now and that I was alone. "He was stupid, you know, trying to run off an get revenge for me. I didn't need revenge!" My voice is rough and angry and it grows louder as I talk, my ears pressing into my skull and my face looking half crazed. But my eyes water once more as I stare hard at Exodus, not blinking. "I didn't need it. I'm fine." I crack, blinking, and the tears they roll as I quietly grieve.