| i was the better man
I am aware of Mother. Always. We pass often in the darkness of the night or the shadow of the day and yet it has been much time still since I have sought her company directly. I see no need to. When it is I require her guidance I will seek it, when I do not we merely exist as shadows of one and the other and nothing more. Others argue for place and rank- I do not. No brother of mine may afford me a rank or position for I know of my position and I need not seek to ascertain it through mindless exploit. I exist within Glorall simply because it is at my convience to do so. I do not help it and nor do I harm it ad in that all should be well content. Indeed it was not until the births of my younger siblings some many moons past that I had been given to feel discontent in any form and yet still I did not seek Mother Ava. No. For perhaps it is so my faith in her had been tested, questioned as it never had been before. She had made a choice. One that had proven to be imprudent and my mind lingers upon it still. Had I may way that day the weakest of her pups would have fallen to my jaws and yet she had sought to stay my fangs though for what reason I still could not see. She had allowed weakness to touch her, soften her and I found a great discord in that.
To say I do not respect her is surely untrue, for it is so that for my Mother I hold a respect far more potent then any other. Few are deserving of my time let alone my respect and yet always to she is is afforded. Yet my mind holds within itself questions I have long since allowed to mellow and simmer though to taste at them would prove heated still. She passes my den this night and it is so that I move to follow. She is alone and in this I am content, my form as hers, an image of her own, perfection as it is destined to be as the amber of my gaze tainted with a violet most beautiful finds her form seated nearby the ocean waves. I move with a silent grace that is exquisite despite my size, the single white tip of my tail curled about my paws as I seat myself at her side in silence and allow the sight before me to fail to move me as it so often does. Water is water. In any form. It’s expanse does not awe me nor it’s depths instil fear. It exits as I exist and nothing more.
“Mater.” (mother)
My greeting is singular and simple, allowing silence to afford us once more though it is so in these moments that my gaze of amber perfection is given to trail along her form. She has….aged. It is not greatly noticeable perhaps and yet her muzzle grows flecked with white, her form perhaps holding the barest signs of the years upon it though I say nothing of it for it would achieve little. Instead I find myself given to speak of that which troubles me most as it has for much time now.
“Quid?” (Why?)
My voice flows in the smoothness of the true language, the question potent upon my tongue and if it is so I must explain truly the depth of my question then it is so I have misjudged the mind of my dam all this years, my words speaking with liquid beauty into the night once more.
“Et licet sanguinem infirmitate meditor. Imperfectum meum et impuro parente patri datum siblings- est an illud negatis? Laeduntur infirmi et filii qui nascentur ab illo, nisi te scire hoc ita esse.”
(You allowed weakness to taint our blood. You allowed an impure and imperfect sire to father my siblings- do you deny this is so? The children born of it are damaged and weak, you know it is so.)
She had chosen for the sire of myself and my brothers a male of perfection and in turn she had been gifted perfection in our births. For her second union she had chosen a different male, of that I am assured and in its place had been birthed a litter of defected, sickly children and I cared not if she heard this truth from my lips- Eden I am assured thinks the same and it should be said. I have left it silent long enough.
Ayal
for i was a ruler amongst men |