Much had happened between then and now. Before the Aster I was before and the Aster I am now. It feels like I have slipped back into my old roll as I tumble across the grassy floor with Pine, our paws entwined and our teeth combing through hair with the nips of childhood. Pine was an adult now, I knew, and I was close to it but we would always be the closest of friends. Just the same with Halcyon, although the thing between us was more tangible and also more uncertain than what was between me and Pine. They were both my guardians, an aspiration that my mother had set in motion with her declaration of Elite Guard's. None other, that I know, had such guardian's as me and my brother, and I felt a moment of breathless grief. My mother had left a lasting legacy with them but she had also enhanced our lives so much with it, ensuring we would have companions throughout our life.

I hope, one day, that I can aspire the loyalty my mother did.

"Matini?" My head dips to the side in confusion, having no clue where she came up with such a name. When she drooped my own ears went back, a biting growl coming out at the mention of Aranck. The wolf who had... I think, murdered my mother. Because my mom NEVER would have lost a battle. That much I felt strongly, albeit a bit biased. Suddenly I give Pine a look of fierce pride. "Good, I'm glad you almost bit him and I'm glad you got away. I was afraid he had killed you, too," I add, my voice bitter and melancholy. My head falls into my paws for a moment as I let out a gusty sigh before lifting it again. "I didn't know you had an imprint," I add, as an aside, having almost skipped over that bit of news. How.. interesting. I wondered if I would have one and if I would feel as strongly as mother did for father.. but no. The only face that flashes in my mind is one I already knew almost as well as I knew Pine's.

You can take back what is yours. My fierce look bleeds away into something naked and pained, my eyes dropping from the fervent ones of my most staunch supporter. I feel as if I am letting her down in this moment, knowing she had been planning this while I wept and cried and struggled to become myself once more. She flies around me, a blur of colors, and I get dizzy trying to watch her so I just look at my paws. I can't stop the laugh that bubbles at her mention of Despoina, although it is dry and almost humorous, because other thoughts tumble around and beat me. When she finally stops with a grin I steel my spine and push up to a sitting position, bottom legs splayed out awkwardly beneath me so I can pin her with my gaze.

"He deserves to be brought down a peg but I don't want it back. I.... I can't be an Empress." I try not to let my voice break but it does and I feel weak. I feel like a coward in her eyes as my heart beats so loud I can barely tell if I am even breathing. "I don't want him there but I don't know that I can rule there either. It wouldn't feel right, not now that I know what it takes, what my mom went through. I'm not ready for that." Then I fall silent for a moment before my eyes jerk back to hers, with a burning light in them. "But you... YOU! You could do it, Pine. You are already doing it, gathering help, YOU can be the leader. I'll help and I want to free my brother but I just can't do it myself." And I hope, really hope, she understands my weakness.