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Posted on September 23, 2017 at 07:10:54 AM by TARQUiN
Quinn did not know where he was with words. There were some that he simply couldn't make work for how he felt, and that was always annoying. There were times when he was good with words and times when he was terrible with them. He did not land on either side of good or bad; possibly he could be better with words worked as far as he was concerned. Quinn was, more than anything, very aware of how things were said, and careful of how he spoke. Honesty was the main thing in all of that, because he wanted to stay honest, even when things were difficult. This meant that he had to watch what he said and how he said it, and hope that he could keep to it all. This did not help when trying to reassure anyone of anything, because he couldn't do pretty proclamations unless he felt he could keep to them, and sometimes even on the smaller things he felt a until death disclaimer was a given.
Maybe that was wrong of him, but life didn't always add up for him, and he hated to be cornered by words and things he couldn't foresee going all upside down like they tended to do. And trusting someone else with parts of his life was scary as hell, because there was no knowing what they would do with those parts. If they would stay or go, if they would betray or leave him feeling empty inside. There were just too many variables, and life had taught him that he shouldn't put himself that deep in anything. And he'd still done it time and time again. Knowing better and letting himself fall into it over and over. He wasn't really learning, but he had always been a slave to his own emotions, and understanding the end result did not always keep him from starting. That was his fatal flaw, and he just wanted to try not to go in that direction again. He eventually would, because it was who he was, but he was still not ready to jump ship.
Quinn wasn't ready to do it all over again and get hurt in all the same ways. And he doesn't say everything that runs through his mind or everything he feels because there was so much, and one had to ask to know, and he lives on specifics. He also knows that it seems to be hard for Echidna to ask him anything difficult outright. Yet if she didn't, then she wouldn't know the answers and Quinn felt that sometimes it was better to know them. To at least have an idea about what might matter in the long run. He's always asked for honesty and he knows that being as honest as he has been in the past has been hurtful, but he couldn't use lies to make things seem better. Couldn't pretend like so many were too good at doing just to make it all easier for everyone involved. There were days when he wished he could, but it was the one thing he stuck by, needed to stick by. He did so many terrible things, and honesty was what he had left that was good.
Echidna was telling him that she did not expect anything else, and Quinn has to wonder how much of that was true. He doesn't ask, and maybe there's a reason she wants him to believe it. Maybe she believes it, but in the end everyone seemed to expect so much more from him than he thought they should. Quinn didn't understand why anyone thought that he could be better than he was, or that all his numerous flaws could be fixed with time. Maybe he's wanted it to work that way, but he now knows better than to expect it out of himself. Then Echidna was speaking again and he looks at her, trying to figure out what she was playing at. First she thought it was a one last bang sort of situation, then she was talking about casual friends with benefits, then the see you around kind of thing; and Quinn was just a little perplexed, but he could answer it how he felt and leave it at that, right? "I'm voting on the casual friends with benefits idea for now, if you aren't adverse to it. I do really need a friend." He responded softly.
Replies:
- down for getting dark - By Echidna September 23, 2017 at 08:39:24 AM
- *sank into eden with you; [m;tw] - By TARQUiN September 23, 2017 at 09:53:04 AM
- because the dark gets me - By Echidna September 24, 2017 at 07:53:59 AM
- *sank into eden with you; [m;tw] - By TARQUiN September 23, 2017 at 09:53:04 AM
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