the gathering in spirane had been something else. I have never seen so many wolves in the same place, and they were all my age! That idea was simply baffling. you could see the resemblance between some of them, and it made me yearn to see my brother again. I hadn't seen him for quite some time now, it was terrifying to wonder what had happened to stryker. oh well, right? there wasn't much i could do. momma wondered too, but she was growing weaker and weaker as the days went on. where i celebrated my second birthday this season, she celebrated her twentieth. it was strange, thinking of how old she had been when she had me. but at the same time, i worried, knowing her life was growing shorter and shorter as mine was just beginning.

i stood in the long grasses at the edge of the river. letting the edges of the blades tickle the soft underside of my belly. I resisted the urge to giggle. this was about as far away from Asteraia as i could get, but i still felt that pressure of needing to go home to care for mom weighing heavily on my shoulders. i wondered if dad had brought her anything to eat today. but i knew he was busy with his scout duties, so i made sure to make a little mental note, to kill something for her supper on the way home.

it felt like the roles were reversed, i was taking care of my mother instead of her taking care of me. i don't know what i was supposed to do, because if i left her for longer than a few hours, my panic set in and i worried even more. mom needed almost constant attention, even if it was from afar. She was starting to loose her marbles, ever so slowly. i guess in a way i was showing more and more empathy for her, knowing that her life was slowing and she needed help.

i sighed, shaking my head as i adjusted, laying in the grasses, my head tucked against a rock against the edge of the river. the top of my crown touched the rock, while my nose was tucked in against my chest. I let my eyes close as the spring sun warmed the dark grey of my coat. I listened to the sounds that went on all around me, just trying to get my mind to clear, even if it was for a moment or two.