The world spun, some days slower than others, most days, it felt as if it was spinning out of control. I was out of control. I didn’t know where my head was at anymore, I had felt that zing, that spark, at the two year old party, going on three years ago now, and then… I hesitated, and balked, and it was gone. Maybe fate wanted it to be that way, for us to go our separate ways, to not know where the other was, destined to be that way. There was nothing else I can do about it. I had looked around Spriane, wondering if that spark would start again, and I didn’t find it. It was as if it had just…vanished.

The world kept spinning after that. No one else was really, around. Sure some family members were still floating here and there, but I had sort of, well, isolated myself. Unsure where life would go, so I hid, from everyone and everything. Childish, I know, but that was the best I had. I was being a child, so be it.

The woods were dark, dawn was approaching, the moon was slowly creeping away while the sun was starting to make its move into the sky, just the barest hint of color beginning to brighten the sky I stopped in the middle of encora, only to begin to make my way towards the fields, skirting away from the valley, my shoulders tense. I wasn’t sure where I was headed, because honestly, I didn’t have any plans in play.

Dawn was finally visible as I reached the edge of the fields, my eyes got a little blurred, staring into the skyline, not letting my gaze waver from the light creeping upwards into the sky. It was a way of letting myself go, even just momentarily. My white and black form lowered to the ground, eyes still glued to the skyline as it brightened, ever so slowly. It pushed thoughts of my father out of my mind, about thoughts of my absent mother out of my mind. No one was around anymore, and that made it so much easier to deal with, if they just weren’t in my mind, but making it that way, wasn’t easy. To make it to where I forced myself to forget them. Well, momentarily. I couldn’t forget my father. My mother…It was getting harder and harder to remember her, she had been out of my life for so god damned long, all I had were little tiny snippets of memories of her, barely anything left. It sucked, when nothing you could do would bring those memories back.

Laying in the midst of the fields, my eyes stuck on the brightening sky, my mind was a wandering mess, unclear, unstable, and frankly, just a mess. There was nothing clear or certain. Nothing made sense, I was lost. Without purpose, without a direction. Where was I supposed to go from here? Where would anything go from here.