Rae. Precious, delicate rae. Despite the turmoil that life had thrown at her feet was not enough to incapacitate her completely. Though scars littered her body and mind, still, she found room in her heart to trust him. Like the delicate petals of the moon flower, open only to the silver blue light of the lunar mother, she met his gruff demeanor and abrasive personality with open arms, willing to receive him.

Even now, as she leaned into the gentle touch his lips pressed into her skin, he found the beast within him beginning to hum its peace and contentment that only came in the pale mare’s presence. Since Zjeena’s departure, Rougaru felt sure that neither he nor the beast would ever find peace again, at least, not until he found the pale mare lying injured and alone on the main island. Had he known that day, what peace and tranquility she would bring to him, perhaps he would have done more to protect and guard her from the strangers that wandered their islands in the dark of night. Even now, he hates himself for the memory of her wild and tormented mind when she had returned but a shadow of her former self. Though he did his best to avoid such memories, every now and then he found himself catching the sound of her subtle gasps at night as the terrors took her into their clutches. Thankfully, as time wore on, and with the birth of Roux, those nightmares seemed to fade and less and less her worry disturbed her sleep. It was a relief to him, but despite that, he cannot help but to feel the trickling fear in the back of his mind that Rae would disappear as Zjeena had done. Liland’s assault on the stoic ice queen had scarred her deeply, so deeply in fact, that she had turned on everyone that she held near and dear to her heart. He would never forget the day that he found her, ragged and battered, worn down mentally and physically. She had stood in the middle of the mud and knee high stream, her golden eyes wild and uncomprehending as she bared her blunt teeth at him and screamed in the face of any who tried to approach her. Even when finally he and Monster found their way into her sanity, she had changed. Though she still looked and smelled the same, the Zjeena that they had once looked to was gone, hidden behind walls of protection and ice. She still moved the same, still reached to touch them with the same gentle touch that she had been known for but still… the wolf had known the difference and though her departure had come as a surprise to him, the beast had been prepared.

Yet even as it prepared for Zjeena’s departure, the wounds she left behind had not healed, not completely. There were others who came and went, those that sought to mend the tattered edges of the gaping hole in his heart and each time they failed. It was only Rae who seemed to fill that gap. And it was Rae he feared he might also lose forever.

’You have been busy.’ the dismissive tone of her voice, as gentle and quiet as it might be dug claw marks into his very core. The wolf dropped its head in contrite retribution, its pointed ears falling flat against its gray body. Emerald green eyes flash with guilt as he swallows the lump that has built in his own throat. It was no excuse. Not for him. Not ever for her. Rae deserved better and silently he cursed himself. While he thought those words had been hard enough, it was the next words that fell past her lips that numbed him. ’What is one mare to the importance of the whole herd?’

Like a blanket of ice the simple question shatters him and he feels himself growing stiff beneath her touch. Ash dusted lips press together in a firm line as he draws himself back far enough to lift his gaze to her dark brown eyes. Was that really how she felt? Had he done this? Was this his fault? Sorrow clenched him as he dropped his proud head, fluted ears folding backwards. ”There…. There was a time…” he murmured, his dark lashes blinking slowly over emerald eyes as he fought back the regret and sorrow, ”When my herd was but one mare.” he continues, pausing again to offer her a faltering smile. ”One mare is as important to the herd as the herd itself. Without… without the one… there can be no herd.” he breathes.

But she did not stop there. Her expressive eyes search his own as she asks again, and he finds himself sighing heavily, the weight of the world weighing down on his shoulders. Like he once found in Zjeena, Rae provides a sense of relief from the world. Despite his determination to protect her, he finds himself opening up to her of the worries that twist and coil about his soul. ”I worry…” he begins, reaching towards her again, desperate to breathe in her comforting scent. ”I worry for our family and for the years to come. I worry about what will happen when the enemies at our doorsteps join forces and the fates deny me the ability to protect us. I worry for you. I worry for Roux and for each of my precious children. I worry about Monster and Alpha. They have been gone a long time now and it is not like her. Even when she is furious at me she usually comes charging forward with silver tongue lashing, not silently hiding behind the veils of darkness. I fear I will forget her scent as I have all but forgotten Zjeena’s. I worry for my sons who strive for greatness and even the ones who want nothing to do with it. I worry of what will become of Paradise when fate calls me home. I… I worry.” he finishes, sighing another heavy breath as his muzzle trails along her skin, resting gently across the gentle slope of her back. His broad chest presses against her shoulder, the flutter of her heart echoing in rhythm with his own. Multifaceted eyes close briefly as he allows himself the peace that only she can bring him. ”I do not mean to trouble you with my woes dear one. I am sorry little dove.” he murmurs.