There is a kindness in the expressions of the two mares before her that Kohelet fundamentally understands she does not deserve in this moment. Maybe someday, if she ever found a way to atone for the horrors her blithe ignorance had allowed, but certainly not now. And their gentleness, their pity for her, only underscores the self-loathing she already felt.

Stallions care little for the will of mares, Khar'pern says, and Kohelets lips press together tightly, her heart sick. They see them as bellies to fill with children and a warmth for their beds at night. She could not say that she agreed, but it did not feel like her place to deny the gray mare's conviction either. She could not believe her father thought so lowly of his mares, but then again, she would not have believed Fell to be the sort of man he was either. What if her father was truly no better?

The thought alone made her stomach drop, flip-flopping in place. Was anyone she knew who they appeared to be on the surface? Or did everyone hide a different monster beneath the skin?

You can still help them, Mae murmured, and the tobiano's gaze lifted back to her, brow creased in confusion. The pale mare continued, and while Kohelet is certain she does not mean to do harm with her words, they are a knife twisting in her chest, puncturing her lungs until her very breath becomes shallow and pained. They were alone. Again. She had left them alone yet again. Offered them up on a silver platter like so many offerings.

Kohelet does not miss the hesitation, the changing of reference, for her sake. She wonders what Mae would have said, if she had not been working so very hard to spare her old leader's feelings. Monster? Villain? Tyrant? Still, the point she makes resonates deeply in Kohelet's chest, impossible to ignore. What was there to soothe him? Perhaps Blue or Maizel would step forward to take her place at his side, to soothe him as Mae put it. She hated that the thought still stung, her heart flaring with a sick sort of jealousy she couldn't ignore. But would they be enough? Would Blue mellow enough to settle him, or send him spiraling again? Would Maizel be strong enough, observant enough, to know his moods?

She has no answer for Mae's question, although she wonders if there is perhaps a way yet that she could make those changes. Could make a difference, in some small way.

The gray mare's offer - for it was an offer, even if she had not put it so plainly - sat leadenly in Kohelet's stomach long after it had been given. Even if this austere landscape could help her complete the hairbrained plan that she had begun to consider, it was not a home for her. It was too much like her birthplace to be a comfort, and with Mae here, too likely to make the pale mare a collateral target. No... Kohelet knew where she needed to go now, she thought, but it was not an easy choice.

At Mae's mention of children, a new slice of pain radiates through her. She had decided to leave Rethe behind, if only because she knew Fell would not leave her alone if she took their daughter away. Reece was proof enough of that. If she was going to break away, it had to be a clean break until she figured out how she would get justice, no matter how much it would erode her own sense of self to leave her children behind.

But she had done it because Fell had only ever been an amazing father to their children. Attentive and kind and watchful. She had loved him before Khoshekh had been concieved, but watching Fell and his son interact had been what cemented her devotion to him in the days following.

Was that all a lie too?

"What do you mean?" She asked, horror-stricken as she looked to Mae's elder daughter. "What did he do?"