i know that i've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too.
either way, i found out i'm nothing without you.
Electricity hasn’t really caught on in Shaman the way it has on Earth. People here are pretty happy with rubbing sticks together to make fire, which doesn’t bother Poppy much. Fire is way more interesting than electricity anyway, since you can do more awesome things with it (like breathe it) and, to be honest, electrical appliances are overrated. Poppy doesn’t see the point in things like PS3 and Wii – why sit there and press buttons to make you climb trees and stuff when you can go outside and climb a real tree? Computers are pointless too, and ‘internets’. Poppy used an internet once, and she found this lame website where humans pretended to be airy fairies and wrote about their experiences – dude, wtf? Humans are never going to be as awesome as fairies, so what’s the point in pretending? Get over yourselves. Get a life. Climb a tree. Who even puts in the time and effort to make something like that?
(Also, Poppy doesn’t know who this ‘Georgia’ person is, but whoever they are, they’re going to be seeing Poppy’s lawyer – the minute Shaman gets lawyers. It is not the least bit flattering that the saddo who made this stupid site is masquerading around as her, and completely getting her all wrong. Poppy would like to point out that she is not idiotic, loserific, insensitive, immoral, ugly and annoying like ‘Georgia’ would have humankind believe – she is in fact intelligent, beautiful, sensitive, kind, caring, loving and generally wonderful.)
< / rant >
So, back to electricity. All in all, not Poppy’s favourite substance. It’s even less of her favourite substance when 9357948782948729378478934 volts travel through Patrick’s skin and into her for the simple crime of hugging him, causing her to explode backwards and smack her back onto the cold stone floor. Unfortunately, her magic decides that it’s had enough of cold stone floors, and decides to transform the floor into the base of a giant bouncy castle. I say ‘unfortunately’, because Poppy instantly bounces off the floor and smacks face-first against the cold stone wall instead. Some people never get any luck. It gets better, though – as she impacts against the wall, there’s a massive BANG and Poppy instantly switches into a small domestic ginger tabby cat.
Poppy-cat shakes her head. “Rowl?”
All the colours look funny as a cat – brighter, somehow. Poppy-cat blinks, shakes her head and peers over at Patrick. Due to her decreased height, she can no longer see his face – all she can see is his feet, legs and belly. To one side of Patrick is the ginormous tigress, and to the other side is the mahoosive dog. The latter of these is the one which concerns Poppy-cat the most, because he’s looking at her with a rather odd expression on his face. Poppy-cat hisses.
“Meowww-ow-ow mew-mew rowl.” (Don’t even think about it, maestro.)
Penguin barks. Poppy-cat hisses and makes for the nearest item of furniture – the wardrobe – as the Great Dane comes tearing after her. He knocks the wardrobe over, causing the front of it to smash open and clothes to spill everywhere, just as she makes a leap for the bed (a four-poster with curtains). While Poppy-cat scrabbles desperately up the curtains (ripping them), Penguin puts his foot through the back of the wardrobe and knocks over a light and an end-table with various ornaments on it as he clumsily charges across the room towards her. Without pausing to think, he leaps up onto the frame at the top of the bedposts and instantly crashes straight through it – his enormous weight and momentum help to carry him through the bed part of the bed too, creating a hole which wasn’t there before. As Penguin struggles to free himself, Poppy-cat jumps down and races towards the safety of Patrick. Penguin is hot on her tail as she reaches his feet, but at this point the spell wears off and she switches back into a fairy again. Scrambling back to her feet, Poppy rounds on the dog, reaching for the nearest thing to throw at him. Penguin may not be the brightest of animals but he’s not stupid either, and he makes a run for it down the corridor as Poppy lobs broken bits of furniture after him.
“Owwwwwl, woof-woof ruff!” (I was only playing!)
Breathing deeply, Poppy turns back to Patrick, who is asking for her help. What... the... fuck?
“Oh sure, I’ll help,” she snaps, “I’ll help by chucking you out of the window. I hope you can swim better than you can fly.”
Swearing in Japanese, she stomps over to a mirror hanging at a weird angle on the wall in order to check out a cut on her lip. Stupid dog. Stupid magic. Stupid castle.
After establishing that the cut isn’t too bad, Poppy swings back round to face Patrick, looking no less annoyed. “You never said not to touch, jackass, you just said to go lower. How about some warning next time?”
POPPY
and honestly,
my life would suck without you.
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