Mercury was hot with rage. Felony had taken Caliber away, had probably forced him out of the Bay and it was all Mercury’s fault because she hadn’t been there to stop him. She had never been there; she had abandoned Caliber from the beginning, and her guilt and shame and fury were drowning her now.

You deserve it.

She did deserve it. The gods only knew what Caliber was going through right now; Mercury had chased after them, had run and run and run until she couldn’t breathe, even after their trail was lost. Synder had been there, too. Mercury hadn’t been there for her sister, either, and now the two of them were gone. The knowledge that Synder had appealed to Felony’s good side before brought her no comfort now, because Felony had no good side, and would no doubt do terrible things to them both and it was all Mercury’s fault.

The frosty mare fell to her knees. She had no idea where she was. This was the Mainland, not the Islands. Somewhere behind her was the sea, and her home was in that sea, but she couldn’t bear to turn around. She couldn’t give up her search, even though it was beyond hopeless; the scent had gone cold days ago. Felony’s face, Synder’s face, Caliber’s face tore through her mind like brutal shards of glass. It was all her fault.

She lay on the unfamiliar ground for what felt like years. She couldn’t eat, refused to sleep. There was nothing for her in front of her and only pain behind. It had barely been a day, but she felt like she might be dying.

Get up, said a voice in her head, and she obeyed.

Turn around, it hissed, and she turned around.

Walk.

Mercury walked.

---

She walked the entire journey back to the sea, and it took her three days. She grazed a bit, but only a few mouthfuls, and had she been able she would have thrown it back up again. It snowed, and though her body was thin, her Tinuvel coal grew in thick, whiter than last year’s. Whiter than her summer coat. Just white.

She stayed for a while on the beach of the Mainland, spending almost twelve hours doing little but staring out into the changing tides and trying to convince herself to eat. She almost played in the water once. Almost. She didn’t eat.

Finally Mercury swam, and learned the hard way just how weak she had become. The swim woke her up, shocked her back to reality, and when she stumbled onto the sand of the Crossing she was ravenous.

---

Mercury returned to Tinuvel before the sun broke the horizon. The air was colorless and pale, and cold, but Mercury did not shiver. Shivering was selfish, and she couldn’t afford to be selfish anymore. She walked up the black pebbly beach and then walked up the slope toward the little basin where the herd stayed. She walked down into the middle of the little valley and stood, and said nothing.

You love me, and I froze in time
Hungry for that flesh of mine
But I can't compete with the she-wolf
who has brought me to knees
What do you see in those yellow eyes?