To be honest, I don’t know what had happened. I had arrived in Paradise with Zain, then the next thing you know, I’m lost wandering through some lands that were so barren and deserted that there was nothing but dry, cracked, broken earth, and it was so hard to live there. Lost, for months, it seemed. I had no idea where I had been going, all I know was that it was killing me, slowly. From there, I wandered outside of the islands, where? I had no idea. I was lost, still. And while it wasn’t home, it was somewhere with food, so that I wasn’t starving myself, thankfully. But I missed Braylen and Zain, so god damn much that it was killing me slowly.

My little boy was growing up without me, and I didn’t know what to do. I know he had been weaned before I had gotten lost, which made it a little easier on me, knowing that I hadn’t passed him off onto another femme to nurse. The thought of that curdled my stomach, to be honest. I wondered to myself all the time where they were, if they were still in paradise.

It had taken a few more months before I found my way back to the islands. It felt so strange to be back here. I needed to see them again. It had been another few days of walking, before I had to swim to get to paradise. It was an exhausting trip, that was for sure, and I didn’t know how to explain to Braylen where I had been, without words. I kept trying to think of what I would be able to do to show him what had happened, but in all honesty, I didn’t know what I would be able to do to explain it to him.

The sun was beginning to set, and I stopped to stare at the sun as I stood on the beach. It seemed like they might still be here, but I couldn’t be too sure now. So, I would wait here, and maybe one of them would see me, hopefully. Right?

right now it don't make sense i can't make it all make sense

female - five - 14.3 - mother of zain (x braylen) - of paradise