no strings attached
no, you won't be ignored
"Please, Dances!" The two young stallions had been grazing in the meadow, but Pan’s words had made his bay tobiano companion restless. "I want to see him, and I’ve no doubt he wants to explore a little!" Still, Dances With Wolves did not speak – his striking blue eyes roamed the skies, and he tried to make sense of the clouds, but there were no shapes there today. The smaller male’s earlier words had touched a nerve. ‘He watched his mother walk into the sea. She left him. You of all people should know…’ A deep breath, and Dances wondered if he’d ever let go of Guadalupe. He had a home and a growing family in Nephilim’s herd. He loved the Bay, and its inhabitants, even though he had yet to get to know the mares living with them. But he felt loyalty towards them none-the-less, and a protectiveness that was a product of his relationship with the spotted palomino he considered a brother.
Then there was Pan, who he’d met before Guadalupe had left him. This stallion drew closer so that their shoulders touched -- he was a brother to him too. And… Remus, the one Pan spoke of… Dances was starting to think that the younger, mute colt was important to Pan, the way Nephilim was important to him. Dances closed his eyes, and sighed softly into his companion’s mane. The journey to Luthien was daunting, not just because of the distance and Dances’ fear of the open sea, but also because of the hostility that he’d seen there. But there was beauty too, in the Forest. Jökulrós was there.
A memory, fresh and only a few days old, filled his mind. There was sooty mare standing on the shoreline staring out to sea, waiting for someone. That had been Sai, and she had been waiting for Nephilim. The dreamer in him believed that somewhere, someone would be waiting for him someday. He didn’t dare hope that Jökulrós was waiting, but he longed to see her again, regardless. And though he wouldn’t say it, he deeply empathised with the story of Remus. Had he not been enough for his mother either? Had she abandoned him because he couldn’t speak?
"I will come with you, Pan, but I won’t go near the Prairie. And, when we get to the Forest, I’d like to look for someone."The smaller male whinnied and pranced around like a colt who’d won a great victory. Dances With Wolves couldn’t help but smile and shake his head as he followed Pan into the sea. At least he wouldn’t be swimming alone.
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Early the next day, three figures meandered through the meadow, two silent while the third seemed overflowing with life. The quietest of all – a buckskin male, still a colt in the eyes of many, often looked behind, and it was Dances who noticed. "Remus, come, I want to show you something." And the bay tobiano suddenly stepped up and took the lead, leaving Pan to fall into step beside the brother of his heart.
The air was cooler here, and Pan drank it in as if he’d been thirsting for it. Remus watched him in silent confusion – what was he doing? And there! When the one who danced with wolves looked back to them, the mute boy saw an almost feverish glint in his blue eyes. Something about this place they were going had his two companions bewitched. Remus stopped short, uncertain if he wanted to proceed. You see, he wasn’t sure he wanted this – to discover a magical place only to bow his head and give it power over him. But, the fear of being alone was strong – his greatest enemy – and so with hesitant steps he continued, trying his best not to let his frustration simmer into something greater.
Dances With Wolves came to a stop halfway through a stream, and seemed to forget for a moment that Pan and Remus were with him. It was like the water filled him with peace – Remus could see the way his whole body relaxed, and he became one with the world around him, because this was a place Dances belonged. The tranquil stillness was shattered as Pan dashed right over the stream, chattering as he always did, about things Remus didn’t understand. Dances With Wolves turned to the young buckskin, and beckoned him closer. Remus saw beads of water glistening in the black strands of Dances’ mane, like stars in the sky.
"Pan, can you go upstream a little, make sure there is no-one in the shadows waiting to ambush us." As Dances turned back to Remus, he caught the look of incredulity in the silent male’s eyes, and imagined, that if he could speak, he would scoff at Pan’s imagination, and sneer at Dances for encouraging it. "There are far worse things he could be, you know," the bay and white male said softly. "I will be grateful every day of my life for Pan. He is a dreamer, and bold, and loyal, and adventurous. His mother may not have left him by choice, the way ours did, but she left him all the same." The older stallion shifted in the water, and his eyes drifted up the little river, and lingered, even though there was no sign of the gold and white boy.
"He keeps me grounded, Remus. He shines so brightly that to be close to him is to be free from the darkness for just a little while. Do you know what I mean?" Here, the two looked at one another, until the smaller, younger male turned away, confused, and fighting down the rising tide of irritation inside. Why, why was he rendered wordless? He couldn’t agree with Dances, not entirely, because sometimes Pan was too much, and his words just kept on coming, until Remus burned with jealousy. So many pointless, wasted words, flowing from his friend’s mouth…
"He is a like a river," Dances said, and when Remus looked back at him, they both lowered their muzzles to brush at the rippling water. Yes, that made more sense to Remus. "Look at the water Remus – it only flows one way. Leaves that float on top are carried someplace new, but the rocks at the bottom, the ones that won’t be moved, the water wears them down, and in time, they become so much less than they were." After a moment, the two of them straightened, and picked their way to the other side of the stream.
"Time is like a river too, Remus. You have to let it carry you, because if you stop, or look behind… It’s too hard, living like that..." Again, Dances’ gaze drifted, and Remus pondered over his words. The sound of the water was soothing, and it proved to be a balm to the anger inside him, so that he relaxed, and leaned in to his companion’s side. "Pan will carry you, Remus, just like the river carries even the smallest of leaves. But only if you let him."
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Upstream, completely unaware that he was the focus of his friends’ conversation, Pan was exploring. He could hear birds, but they were hidden from sight. Narrowing his dark grey eyes, he thought about sneaking up on them when he caught a hint of a familiar scent on the cool, damp air. "Taika? Is that you, Girl Who Can Fly?"
we could be family - ever expanding, fully functional
THE L O S T BOYS
PAN, DANCES with WOLVES and REMUS
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