I am the razor in the hands of your heart;
And I am the razor in the hands of God.
There were few moments in the golden mare's life where others had peeked behind her icy exterior. Evaline was good at hiding her vulnerabilities. She used her sharp tongue and firey demeanor as a distraction, as a way to constantly keep others at arm's length. Evaline always spoke her mind, but in a way that still guarded her most intimate feelings and insecurities. Valentine had seen behind the wall just once, when she came to him with news that she was pregnant with Shamwari and that Rook was the father. Shamwari was perhaps the only of her children she was completely and honestly open with. Maybe Kasabian too, when he was just a boy.
Clearly the feelings between Kasabian and Evaline were complicated. She was so young when she was pregnant with him. She had be forcedly taken by a strange stallion against her will. It had been the worst few minutes of her entire life and it was the first time time she'd every felt completely helpless, like a ragdoll, with no means of protecting herself or controlling her own fate. It taught her early on to never trust a stallion. And the power she possessed in her body.
When Kasabian was born, he was a tiny thing. His lungs were under developed and he wheezed tirelessly for months. He was weak, often not strong enough to walk for more than a few minutes at a time without needing long breaks in between. At that point in her life, Evaline had been constantly sought after. Her home changed many times as she was stolen and fought over. She traveled many miles and Kasabian couldn't keep up. His health deteriorated to the point that she just assumed he would die before he became a yearling. Perhaps she was too hard on him. Perhaps she was too guarded. She was mean and relentless to him and uncaring about his condition. She constantly reminded him of how weak he was and how all the problems she had in her life was his fault. Maybe Evaline was just preparing herself for the death of her sickly son. Maybe she thought it would be easier if she was unattached. That said, she never told him about his father. She did not want him to bear that burden on top of everything else that was so sour in his life. So she lied. It was the only glimmer of hope she ever gave him -- that he had a father out there that was worth memorializing.
Kasabian eventually grew out of the illnesses that plagued him as a child. He grew tall and strong and smart enough to leave. Though Evaline was never far behind. He was obsessed with finding The Lost Islands and wanted desperately to start a life in a new place where know one knew him. And he did. He lived here for many years before Evaline decided to come looking for him. When she arrived she was easily distracted by the many suitors here and never wound up reuniting with her son. It was probably for the best. She knew he came back again however, because of Shamwari. When her second bastard son explained how they met, she felt nauseated and anxious about his return. She'd only known Kasabian as a sweet though misguided young stallion. She'd never known him to be the the ravenous, angry stallion he was today.
The golden mare did what he said after he ripped open her ear. She stood as far away from him as possible, cowering against the side of an old tree trunk while the pain seethed through her head. She could feel the warm blood pooling at the top of her poll and eventually gaining momentum as it slid down the side of her face and neck, staining her otherwise golden coat and blonde mane a dark hue of crimson. This tawny stallion was not her son. He wasn't the boy she'd known. Instead she saw only the same menacing and delusional eye of his father, conniving and out for blood. Evaline took a deep breathe as she realized that she would probably die here, at the hooves of her own son.
Her gaze averted to the ground at her feet, where her mud-stained legs shook uncontrollably as Kasabian talked to his counterpart. How chance had brought them all together right here and right now, she'll never understand. Maybe she deserved this. She listened as best she could through the ringing in her damaged ear and her unscathed one as the two talked. Kasabian laughed at the mention of Gabbar. It made her heat beat like crazy in her chest.
"Be creative. I want to be inspired." Kasaiban said to his counterpart and Evaline's heart dropped.
Kasabian had relinquished something primal, something so dark and wild in himself. It made him feel alive but also on edge. He glared at Psych with wild, bloodshot eyes before snorting and taking a few strides away from the pair. He hung his heavy head back to look at them both once more. He knew he had no control over this need anymore. Once he started, he wasn't sure he could stop until he killed her. And he wanted to make this period for Evaline last as long as possible. So with that, he merely smiled, something wide and creeping with his blood-stained lips, before trudging back into the brush and away from them.
17 | Arabian cross |14.2 | Palomino | Mother of Kasabian, Shamwari, Vita Nova, Paradiso | Vinyl |