Brother, let me be your fortress
When the night winds are driving on
Seeing Nephilim like this, so far gone, hardly a shadow of the stallion he’d once been… It was like the jaws of one of the wolves of Tinuvel where clamping down onto his heart, digging deeper and hurting Dances With Wolves more than anything had ever hurt him before. But he knew, he knew without a doubt that to lose Nephilim entirely would hurt far more. And so, even though he was so close to falling to pieces, he held himself together. This was a moment of weakness for Nephilim, a struggle much more fierce than any he himself had faced, and Dances With Wolves had to be strong for his brother.
“No, I won’t stop,” he said, the words muffled for his throat was thick with all the sorrow and grief that he was holding inside. “I can’t stop, Nephilim. Don’t you know? I’ve always needed you, and that’s never going to change.” The bay paint paused to draw breath, and it came ragged and raw, and didn’t quite seem to be enough. His chest ached, as though his lungs were starved of oxygen, and he tried, he tried to ease the discomfort, but even his quik and shallow breathing made no difference.
Please just go, Dances.
He trembled at the words, felt his resolve slip, and struggled to regain control. Oh, how this plea tore at his tender, bruised heart. It broke him, the way he had broken his brother. “No,” Dances felt the word force its way out, desperate and strained. “You should know by now, Neph, I will never leave you. You never left me… I love you too much, don’t you understand that?” He took a small step forward, yet held back, afraid that Nephilim would pull away again. Tears blurred his vision now, and streaked down his face, as they had down Nephilim’s only minutes earlier. “I never told you this, but, all those years we stood side by side – I felt like I could do anything. And I know, now, that we can do anything Neph. You and me. Together. But I need you. I need you.” He raised his head, drawing strength from some hidden reserve inside himself that he was only just discovering. “And so does Mariael. And Maziel. And Zevulun.“
The anger in Nephilim’s next words caught Dances With Wolves by surprise, and he found his own inner turmoil rising up to meet that anger. A little voice in the back of his mind told him to use it. “Leave her alone, Nephilim. It’s not her fault. She was just trying to help me. I was so lost, you see. I felt it was all my fault. So many times I’ve not been there when you needed me. So don’t blame your sister, brother. I should have been with you. It’s my fault. Mine.”
What little progress he felt as though he made seemed to crumble around him, and fresh tears streaked down his cheeks. It hurt so much to see Nephilim is such darkness, and he desperately wanted to be the light that guided him home. With a fresh wave of pain, he realised he’d never wanted anything so much in his life. He moved closer and would persist in doing so until Nephilim stopped retreating. And then, finally, breathing in his brother’s familiar and comforting scent, he sought to console the injured and broken stallion with gentle touches and whispered words of encouragement. “I go nowhere without you, Nephilim. Do you remember that time, when I followed you into the sea? And how you did not abandon me in the Prairie? I go where you go, Nephilim, and I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.” He pressed ever closer, and could not stop his body from shaking with all that he felt for this stallion.
“Don’t tell me to abandon you, please, I beg you. I don’t think I could survive such a thing. Let me stay with you, please Nephilim, and I can look after you, so that we can both be whole again.”
DANCES WITH WOLVES
Be the one to light the way
Bring you home |