Meadow

all this time. all this time. this thought reverberates in her head over and over. wretched hot tears well up in her eyes but she blinks them away furiously. she is blinded by disappointment, deafened by sound of blood pounding in her ears. she had been alone for nothing. all this time. and now she is too late.

despite the fact that she had told herself a hundred times, a thousand times, that she shouldn’t expect anyone to be waiting in the desert for her, shouldn't expect a miracle, a warm homecoming, she still couldn’t fight the images that popped into her mind…her parents, waiting to embrace their youngest daughter after all this time, the siblings she had never met but heard her mother speak of constantly… her family, her home….waiting for her.

she can’t remember why they left the desert in the first place…she was so young.…barely born and then they were away. arcana had loved her so well even though she had been hoping for a boy. she remembered her mother teasing her about it, and how pleased she was when bhaskara turned out to be a daring little tomboy even as a foal. the earliest memories were of her mothers nose on her small back, guiding her as they maneuvered away from the desert. their home. she had thought on it for hours, never understanding why they had left…. and then she remembered nothing.

she wasn’t sure how it had happened, when or where, but somehow her mother and she were separated…and try as the little bay filly might, she could find no trace of the striking black and white mare. it was all a blur after that, time passing in hyper speed and slow motion all at once. she managed to scrape by, befriending few along the way who were kind to her, staying here and there where she felt safe enough to rest. eventually she began putting the scraps of memories she had left together, worn and tattered by her love for them, and searching for her birthplace. perhaps that was where she would find her mother, eagerly waiting for her, so sorry to have lost her. perhaps her sisters would welcome her home, or her father, whose soft kind eyes haunted her like a ghost.

eventually it finally it happened, after a couple of years of searching and asking, she heard of the islands by a passerby and frantically asked to be pointed in the right direction. she moved like a machine after that, never stopping, never resting, traveling days on end until she reached the shores of salem. it was the most nerve-wracking moment of her life, pulling herself up the sandy beach, staggering with the effort, her heart beating so hard the world spins… and likely the most disappointing. her shrill call, a plea to the universe for her family, goes unanswered…she only waits a minute before pulling together enough effort to traipse farther into the desert, lifting her heavy head and breathing in deeply, trying to find any scent on the wind. a small bit of breeze blows, stirring the hot dry air and her ears, subtly curled inward at the top , in marwari fashion though she is only a quarter blood, prick forward slightly as she takes in two scents that seem familiar in some way. not her mother but maybe her father? her siblings? either way her heart breaks.

the scent is stale, old, barely there…maybe in her imagination to begin with. she is as alone as ever. she collapses into the sand, a wretched heap, sobbing with bitter tears. she couldn’t help but to hold onto hope and this is where it had gotten her. she lays there longer than she should have, wishing she could die. it was the scent and sound of a stallion that finally drives her up, sliding quietly back into the water. she does not wish to become the property of another and certainly not in this place. a prisoner in what was once her own home. so she makes her way to the common island, and pulls herself ashore in the meadows. her body needs nourishment, respite.

her ears ring with thoughts, questions, and her head throbs. she has laid herself down in a heap, glaring listlessly into space as minutes turn to hours turn to days, blinking back her tears angrily every time she feels the burn of her dark eyes watering. she doesn’t know where to go from here. what kind of life can she have when she can’t stop pining for the feeling of belonging, the need for family, home…searching for them is all she’s ever known and now to find the one place she knew to look abandoned, she can’t fathom the next step.

mare : 3 : bay : mutt : 15.2 : orhan x arcana : kafkaesque l a n d k e k s s t o c k@ d e v i a n t a r t