the soft touch on her forehead is not lost in her moment of grief, she leans into it slightly, allowing herself that much. she has surprised herself, being so openly emotional with him. the early years of her upbringing had been filled with lessons of strength, bravery, of being proud and stoic. she has changed much since being here she thinks.
when their eyes do happen to meet and he voices his agreement she nods once and then tries to shake the thought from her head. part of her would be willing to wallow so deeply in this grief that she would never find her way out and she fears that part. it has nearly consumed her before in anger. the other part, the stronger part, she prays, wants to go back to the first moments of seeing him again and live in that joy. it is enough at least when he turns the conversation slightly, wondering about the histories of their people. she wonders this too, not knowing how they couldn’t have been aware of each other before but so grateful that he hadn’t succumbed to the same horrors the rest of her rodina had. it was clear though that some great trauma and suffering had also afflicted his own rodina. how could this be?
she cannot bring herself to ask how he had ended up here alone as well. not yet at least. she was too eager to leave suffering behind for the day. she feels selfish for a moment, but then wonders if perhaps he would prefer to volunteer his story on his own time. the next words that leave his lips bring her great happiness. her eyes brighten and she lifts her head, feeling another of her burdens lift as he proposes they stick together. she had felt anxious from the start that this meeting would end in their parting, even if temporarily. she didn’t think she would have been able to bear it but had not wanted to be so forward as to suggest not to separate.
her voice is clearer and happier than it has been in some time and she nods again, her normal tendency after spending so much time amongst those she had trouble communicating clearly with. i do not wish to part either. i will have your loyalty and protection if only you may accept mine in return. we also had the Stráž. one day i may have been bojovník too… she thinks of the warriors of the old Guard, the Stráž, and how she had always looked up to them as a child, wished to be one. it had been an unlikely prospect for her, though she doesn’t admit it now, because of her matka’s high standing as matriarch. it had been arranged for her to join another close rodina of the blood as their matriarch someday. she would have had the choice of course, to become a bojovník or to accept the duties of her birth, but she would never have shamed her family by choosing to become a Strážce instead of fulfilling her duties as nejvyšší dcera, the highest daughter. she swishes these thoughts away, knowing little of it matters any more. she is just relieved she doesn’t have to face the thought of being separated again.
