and i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be
Tigerlily had disappeared into the dense jungle after disrupting Björn’s meeting. If he’d come looking for her, he had been disappointed, for every time the trembling mare thought she heard or scented another horse approaching her location, she retreated. She was far too on edge for sleep to take her, and her mind raced with thoughts. None of them were pleasant. Alone in the shadows of the Ridge Tigerlily found herself sinking into a miserable mental state, and rather than try pull herself out of it, she gave into it.
The sensible thing for her to have done would have been to cautiously seek Björn out, and after ensuring that the ruffians he’d been communing with no longer shadowed the shores of the place that had become home and sanctuary to her, Tigerlily should have given Björn a chance to explain himself. But she was not in her right mind, and so the buckskin mare wallowed in old grief, and allowed her festering hatred to overtake her. What was he even
thinking? Perhaps it was shallow of her to judge so harshly, considering she’d never before laid eyes on the other two stallions who’d been present with Björn and the grey monster who’d brutalised her, but Tigerlily could never trust anyone who stood by the side of such a savage male.
And Björn…
Thoughts of the scarred grullo king only served to make Tigerlily’s heart ache fiercely in her chest. The burning anger she felt subsided, and she gave a dry sob. It was almost more than she could bear, being apart from him, trying to make sense of the terrors of her past alone. It terrified her how dependent upon him she’d become since their first meeting only a short time ago, and the idea of leaving this wonderful place, of leaving
Björn… It stole the breath from her very lungs, and left her gasping in pain. Almost as if her king had sensed how much she needed him in that moment, his call rang out, and before she knew what she was doing, she obeyed his summons. The logical part of her, the part that was angry, screamed at her to stop, but Tigerlily did not.
The heart was a stubborn thing, and Tigerlily’s knew what it wanted.
Still, as the rainforest trees began to thin out, the buckskin mare slowed, the fear she’d felt earlier returning in full force. What if the grey brute
was still here? And worse, what if Björn did not want to see her? But it was too late. Tigerlily had caught sight of him, and it pained her to see the weariness he wore upon his shoulders. If she had been the cause of it, then she’d beg for his forgiveness. Tigerlily wanted to remove all that lingered between them – space, uncertainty, confusion. She bitterly regretted her outburst at him earlier, and wanted to tell him so. But there were others already gathering.
An unfamiliar dark stallion, whose size alone made Tigerlily uneasy. With him, two mares. There was a third mare, silvery maned, strutting around as if she owned the place. Tigerlily was immediately put off, feeling both disgust and disgrace on behalf of the other mare, but could not ignore the spike of jealousy she felt upon noting the roundness of the mare’s sides. Her own barrel had begun to show signs of the life that grew within her, but it was no child of Björn’s. Thus far, it had been something that the two of them had never spoken of, but Björn had surely noticed. His acceptance of her, despite this, had meant more to Tigerlily than she could ever say.
Tigerlily wasn’t the only one who had chosen to hang back. Several paces to her right there stood a fourth mare, golden-skinned, who seemed less happy to be here. Tigerlily was suddenly regretting her decision to come. Emotions old and new filled her with turmoil, and she felt so tense, like at any moment she might snap. This wasn’t what she needed. Her throat felt tight, and her lungs constricted. An apology sits heavy just behind her teeth, but it feels almost impossible to open her mouth and deliver it to the Icelandic stallion.
Björn, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. She recalls the times before now that she has asked forgiveness from him, and how his words then had been a healing.
"Whatever you feel like you need to apologize for, I have already forgiven you… You have nothing to appologize for, I asked about you." And for the briefest of moments, Tigerlily truly believed that everything might somehow be okay between them.
But the memory that loosened her lips, it touched her deeply, and drew up something else with it. Words she’d spoken to him before. But there is no soft serenity in them now. Her voice is tremulous, and her pale face, her blue eyes, they betray her fear and doubt. And somewhere within her, the fire of her rage still smouldered.
“Ég er hérna, Björn. Now tell me what you’ve done.” She was desperate for the truth, and as her wide blue eyes met his, she silently begged him to dispel her fears, to gently tell her that she's got it all wrong.
So much has gone unspoken between them. At first, Tigerlily had taken this as a blessing, but now, she wasn't so sure. If only she'd been honest with him about her past, if only she'd been brave enough to trust that it wouldn't change the way he saw her. But wishing for such things was pointless now, and this realisation only made the silence prickle her skin, and her fear manifested itself as agony churning in the pit of her stomach.
“Please, Björn,” she begged, wanting nothing more than to be put out of her misery.
T I G E R L I L Y
right in front of me; talk some sense to me