take what you can. Posted on July 2, 2020 at 04:58:48 AM by Rade
to live and burn is
the most exquisite form of self destruction
Do you intend to take the position yourself then?
Rade’s gaze had wandered, observing the majesty of the Peak from afar, but snapped back to his companion’s at this question. Golden eyes met green directly - considering him, seeking the truth that lay at the core of this seemingly-casual but vital conversation. Was it genuine curiosity that had sparked Bondurant to ask, or did the spotted brute hold similar aspirations and was attempting to gauge the possibility of competition? If so, then he would find himself sorely disappointed. The roan stallion was not the same creature that he’d been those years ago, and had little desire to attempt to transform the present into the past. Especially since he did not view the past through the same rose-tinted goggles as some.
“Only if it is foisted upon me,” Rade answered honestly, his dispassionate tone emphasizing his words. “I would sooner have the rest that I feel I’ve rightfully earned, and let the next generation finish cleaning up the mess that they’ve created.” He would not be around forever, either. If there was to be hope for their future, the bachelors would need to learn to stand on their own, to stand for the things that they believed in and oppose the things that they did not. And this was not a lesson that they would take to heart by being permitted to blindly follow another individual. No, Rade was of the firm belief that even the best rulers stood to be questioned - that it was the right and duty of any who followed them to challenge any decision that did not seem in the best interests of all.
After all, had he not once done the same?
“It is no secret that the men are unhappy,” the palomino roan offered in response to Bondurant’s question, pausing to shift his weight from one side to the other again. His arthritic joints were always worse in stillness than in motion, as if they insisted on filling their final season with as much action as possible. “I feel that they will respond favorably to attempts to overthrow him, if they are presented with the choice. Perhaps they would have even done so without my aid, if each did not fear standing alone against Cullen when they made that first step.”
Rade did not fear his son, or even the very real possibility of death. But he did fear the thought that his life might mean nothing after it was over - that the world would be no different for having him in it. And so it was that even in the twilight of his existence, the bachelor was still motivated by selfish - in a strange, abstract way. He sought to change the world for the better not for the world itself, but for two reasons. The first was for the sake of his own immortality. Even the memories of the brotherhood’s various leaders would fade with time. But the stallion who had united the Peak and Lagoon under a common cause would stand remembered long after names like Thane and Cullen had been forgotten.
As for the second reason… even a creature who appeared as callous and cold as Rade could know regret. It was this side of himself that he bared now, sensing that his spotted companion would not judge him as weak for acknowledging the burden. “Cullen is my son,” the dusted-gold stallion confided, his eyes now turning to the south, to the Lagoon. “And I feel responsible, in part, for the damage that he has done. If I can remove him without further bloodshed, then that debt may be repaid. If not, then perhaps my life could be considered a fair trade for the life of the Vulcan mare, and pave the way to a greater understanding.”
Though Rade was no martyr, even he could understand the value of such a sacrafice, and accept that it might be a worthy end to his time on this earth. It made it easier to ignore the vigorous pounding of his heart that began each time Rade contemplated his death - as if the organ feared the end of its duties, and sought to drum as many beats as it could before it was inevitably silenced.