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Everlasting snow; Posted on October 22, 2020 at 00:06:13 AM by Larka
Gone. All of them were gone. Her heart shattered into a thousand jagged pieces. Sanibel… Shamwari… Castiel… all gone.
There was a time in her life, in which she felt certain that the change in Liland and the cruelty in which he ripped her away from Bran would be her demise. In that time, her heart had been broken… but she was not alone. Shamwari had been there for her. He was her rock, the founding stone with which she found she could summon the strength to continue to breathe. She could almost feel the warmth of his skin now as he pressed her against his solid shoulder. Such security and protection; he had taken the weight of her problems, the weight of her soul and given her the freedom to move unburdened. The past few years had been blissful. Together, Shamwari, Sanibel, Darshan, their children… all of them together in peace beneath the warm rays of sunlight that glowed over the prairie grasses.
Until winter had come.
The snows were deeper this year, burying the yellow grasses below a thick layer of ice and water that at times was difficult to break. Sickness came and hunger, as was usual with such poor conditions but never did she imagine that the events of winter would amount to such destruction. Sanibel’s death had affected her more than she ever imagined it would. Larka knew that the pale mare was her elder in more aspects than one, and that one day the time would come when the afterlife called to her louder than any voice of the living ever could. Always she had imagined that the shy, quiet mare would meet with a peaceful end, surrounded by friends and family as had happened to her own sire. Never did she imagine that she nor the rest of the herd members would be forced to watch her suffer day after day after cold day. Larka still vividly remembers coming upon her now; fragile and frail. Silver blue eyes counted every rib and each protruding bone from beneath her thin coat. The sickness had taken what strength she had once held onto so firmly and left in its wake a sickly creature, the shadow of her former self.
Sanibel.
Her death had been painful, but she never imagined that the grief would bring Shamwari to question his own mortality. There was a quiet part of her, a soft voice that whispered sadistically in her mind that she deserved it. Shamwari had been so hurt and lost when she left him without a word or thought. She had been pregnant with their son then, mere weeks away from welcoming Hexxus into the world and the fear and overwhelming emotions drove her from the islands to seek out her parents and the place she had once called home. Shamwari had been hurt. He once described her return as the ghosts of a long lost past life. The hurt and anger and love that wrapped itself tight like the twisting branches of a prairie rose. She had been lost, sure he had forgotten of her though the scent of his skin still ghosted her nostrils. He had found her. Rescued her from Liland and the wolf Rougaru. Forgiven her past transgressions and once more looked upon her with adoration and love. To learn of his intentions to leave was overwhelming. Again and again she replayed the scene in her mind. The sharp cries of the foals losing father, brother, and uncle screamed into her ears but she was deaf to them all. Silver blue eyes glistened as mechanically she held Cassiah close as the gray filly sobbed against her breast. Crystalline tears streaked her cheeks a dark shade of gray as she raised her gaze to Shamwari, drawing away from Cassiah and Ayiana long enough to press herself tightly into the curve of his neck once more. ”Shamwari…” she whispered, his name a reverent prayer and desperate plea all in one. ”... please.” she begged, unable to stop herself. She had no right to ask it of him. No right to attempt to sway his decision and hope that he would change his mind; she had done the same to him in the past. However, she could not help herself. The words came unbidden from her lips. Don't go.
But he had left. Shamwari never made any decision lightly, and always took the greatest care and concern in what was best for his family. Larka was not sure she would ever be able to comprehend the reason he would choose to leave them so soon after Sanibel’s death, but still she trusted him. With whispers of love meant for his ears alone, she had watched him go. Stood back as others from the herd rose to greet him and took special care to memorize the image of her son and the tender embrace between father and daughters. Shamwari. The dagger buried to the hilt in her soul. Shamwari was gone and she would be expected to continue on for the sake of her children. Bran was an adult, off on his own adventures no doubt still following at the heels of his brother. A bond had been built between the two that Larka found herself easily understanding. It was the same bond she felt for Sanibel and Darshan. They were family. Ayiana and Cassiah, though neither quite still a filly, still needed her guidance and reassurance. Though she longed to disappear into the ocean after her lover, she dare not leave behind the girls.
However, when Darshan took her leave, Larka found her resolve shattered. Sanibel’s death she had come to grips with as cruel as it had been, Shamwari’s departure too, she found herself slowly beginning to understand more and more as his way of grieving for a mare that he held so dear. Darshan? No. Larka would not accept it.
Brows furrow in frustration as quickly, she advises Ayiana to keep an eye on Cassiah until she returns. Swiftly she charges down the beach and into the ocean waters. Her hooves bring her once more into the cold oceans that she swore she would never again feel. Hooves thrash viciously at the cold water’s invisible fingers, following after the small bobbing head of her friend and companion. Though Darshan had a head start on her, Larka was determined not to lose her too.
The current tugged her legs downward, the weight of her body lifted by the cerulean waters. The ocean itself beckoned her to give up hope, to let herself be carried away to the watery depths where perhaps one day she might find herself reunited with her lost lover and the aged mare she had adored. Were it not for the distant sounds of Darshan’s breath and the bobbling of her head above the distant tides, she might have let herself be carried away. However she could not. Not today. Not now. She would not lose another.
Thought weariness tugged at her body, she finds herself wobbly navigating the malleable sands underfoot. Droplets of salt water drip from her obsidian locks as tentatively she lets her muzzle trail inches over the uneven surface. Back and forth she weaves, searching for the trail that Darshan had taken. Sanibel. The last time she had focused her talents. Sanibel. She had cringed inwardly then, thinking how her father would have chided her for allowing peace to cause her skills to weaken. Sanibel. The thought of her caused once more the gleam of loss to linger in her eyes. She had to find Darshan.
With determination to her step, it is not long before the strong scent of Darshan greets her eager nostrils. Pale, silver blue eyes lift from the path which she roamed to discover that no longer was she lingering near the shoreline. Darshan’s trail led her deep into the heart of the main island and into the commons where once before it had been Sanibel’s own niece who had greeted her first on her return. Sanibel… Shamwari… always the thoughts come back to the two pieces of her soul she had lost. Sanibel… Shamwari…
The muffled voices interrupt her thoughts as once more tears cloud her gaze. Small ears perk amid the damp tangled locks of ebony. Darshan. Or the ghost of Darshan. No longer was she the confident lead mare of the prairie that Larka had known her to be. Instead she stood with distant eyes and a somber expression on her face. Darshan. She was still Darshan. A soft whicker breaks past her lips as the anger and pain boils over the delicate rim that she had used to carefully contain it. ”Darshan!” she called, her pale gaze fixated upon the mare of golden sands. Though she knew it was rude deep down, ignoring the patchwork stallion that gazed at Darshan with confused and concerned expressions. However she cannot bring herself to let her gaze draw away from her friend, afraid that even a single sideways glance might cause her to disappear and be lost entirely.
”You left!” she murmurs, her voice growing as her usually bouncing steps turn more graceless and thundering as the stomps over. Ears fall backwards amid the damp curls of her obsidian mane as once again the tears spill freely down her finely dished cheeks. ”Sanibel… Shamwari… not you. Not you too. I can’t give you up too!!” she shouts, closing the distance between them to shove her small muzzle into the curve of Darshan’s silken shoulder. Deeply she inhales a breath, memorizing the familiar scent of her companion and the fading scent of Shamwari that still clung to her skin. ”Please don’t go.” she sobs, the weight of her grief taking hold of her slender form, causing her to exhale a great breath. ”I can't leave them yet and I cannot live without those already lost to us. Stay Darshan… stay.” she murmurs, drawing her small muzzle back to fixate her hopeful eyes once more time on the woman she had often looked to for reassurance and strength when her own failed her.