Falls

Doubt was an unwelcome companion, one that Sabor was always quick to dismiss. But as the days passed, and the memory of the last time she’d seen Khajiit seemed ever more distant, the more persistent her doubt became, so that some days her breath would catch in her throat, and she’d struggle to sleep for the anxious ache that settled in her chest. What if something had happened to him? What if he was badly hurt, and that’s why he hadn’t come back? What if he didn’t want —

With a harsh snort, the golden mare stopped her internal fretting before her thoughts turned dark and dismal, calling her spirited daughter back to her side. “Vitani!” Sabor’s voice was sharp, but there was such softness in her eyes when she looked upon the filly. As she often did, the mare reached for her daughter, placing a tender caress upon her cheek. “He’ll be back soon,” she said, with none of the harshness from before, a momentary flicker crossing her features as she spoke of that which troubled them both (albeit in different ways).

Sabor felt herself slipping again, and pulled away, trudging past Vitani down a familiar path. She slowed, but did not glance behind when she spoke again (she’d learned long ago that nothing good ever came from looking back and it was one of the many things she’d taught Vitani). “And I’ll make sure he takes you with him when he goes again.” It was a promise, one that Sabor wasn’t afraid to speak aloud, even if it made her heart ache a little.

There was so much of Khajiit in Vitani. Glimmers of herself, too, but Sabor didn’t like to dwell on those for long. The gilded mare savoured every moment, and as she’d watched Vitani grow, and become ever more independent, it hadn’t taken long for the two of them to find a balance they were both tolerant of. Sabor allowed Vitani to wander, so long as she never went too far, and always told Sabor first where she was going. And Sabor… Sabor expected the filly to return to her whenever she called, whether it be because Sabor no longer felt safe where they were, or because it was time to move on to another part of the Crossing. She didn’t like to be kept waiting either, and expected Vitani to keep up.

The sly golden mare wasn’t the most maternal of individuals, but she loved Vitani with a fierceness that frightened her, and her heart trembled in its cage of bones whenever the babe inside her moved. Sabor was afraid that she would love this foal even more, and she was plagued by all the potential dangers that posed a risk for her now, let alone once she gave birth. If Khajiit didn’t return soon, Sabor would have no choice but to seek refuge at the Peak, at least until her youngest had grown a bit.

But there would be no inner peace to be found for Sabor in the shadow of the mountain, aside from knowing that her precious foals would be better protected.

It was down this path she walked now with Vitani that peace awaited the slender mare who was heavy with foal. A twisting trail that led to a small pool of water, fed by a small waterfall that rippled down from above like streaming silver ribbons. It was where she and Khajiit had properly met, and in truth, it was here that Sabor had last truly felt like herself. The days before (in the past, behind her, that she had no desire to dwell upon) had been dark, and the days since, Sabor had become Mother to Vitani and the filly had certainly kept her busy.

Sabor had also discovered that sometimes the past didn’t stay where it belonged. It was so much harder, forgetting, when confronted by a ghost from long ago, especially one who seemed determined to remind Sabor who she had once been.

A sudden spasm of pain made her gasp aloud, and hastening to soothe any concern that might arise in Vitani, Sabor turned to her and smiled thinly. “Baby’s just moving a little, that’s all.” Mask of composure carefully held in place, Sabor was ready for the next fierce contraction, did her very best to hide her fear. (Too sudden, too fast, too intense…Something was wrong, something was frightening familiar, but she didn’t want to think of what had happened back then, she couldn’t.) The desert mare hobbled the rest of the way, stopping only when her little pool was in view.

“I need to rest here a while, Vitani.” Sabor said, and it was such a challenge to keep the fear inside her from showing itself in her face, or creeping into her voice. Instinct told her that it would be better for Vitani not to stay. “But I need you to go on ahead by yourself. You know our route through the Falls well enough by now. We can’t afford to miss him.” And it filled her with anxiety to send her away, but Sabor believed it was for the best. Vitani was a smart girl - she listened and she learned. Sabor had made sure to teach her the most important thing.

If your bones ever shiver when you’re with someone, even if they seem nice, even if they tell you to trust them, even if your heart tells you to stay, heed the warning Vitani. Run, and never turn back..

Several long moments after Vitani had wandered on, Sabor’s forelegs buckled beneath her as she sank to the ground, clenching her jaw to withhold a cry of pain. It was happening too fast (just like - no, it was not going to be like that). She realised she couldn’t see the water, for she’d collapsed on the wrong side of the treeline, and this only added to her distress. But it was too late - the contractions were starting in earnest now, and the intensity of them left Sabor feeling weak and breathless.

The golden mare lost track of time as she laboured, and her awareness of reality dimmed. Distantly, Sabor became aware that at some point, she was no longer alone, but she grimaced and whimpered through each contraction with eyes shut tight, focusing on keeping her breathing as even as possible. And though she was far from it, all she could hear was the roar of the waterfall in her ears, amplified and echoing. “Vitani?” she murmured at one point, her voice so quiet, tight with pain. “I can’t - I can’t remember the last thing he said to me.” And even though such a small, inconsequential thing was the very least of her troubles right now, the fact that she couldn’t remember this served to increase her distress twofold, and she sobbed, her chest heaving, aching for air.

She drifted a little, between alertness and unconsciousness, and somewhere between waking and sleeping, she dreamed they were standing in the pool together, her and Khajiit, softly tending to one another.

Finally, the pain eased, and Sabor became aware of the flailing limbs of her newborn. With the last of her strength, borne along be a second wind, Sabor’s instincts guided her as she cleaned her beautiful babe’s face, so that he could breathe in the cool air. A son. A perfect little boy. Overwhelmed with relief, Sabor hastened to stand, because nothing else mattered more to her in this moment than making sure Khajiit’s son was healthy and safe, but her body was exhausted, and a strangled sound of pain mingled with frustration caught in her throat, and she lay back down again, fighting against a wave of fresh tears.