Meadow

róisín

She hated herself, in his absence. Both for the harsh way that she had spoken to him and the way that she'd come to him with demands, as though it was her right to define the way he created and grew his family. As though she was worthy of judging who or how he loved anyone, his own child included.

If she were honest, she hadn't really expected him to leave without a goodbye. They had parted in anger, but Roisin had been under the assumption that he would at least say goodbye before he left. That she would have a chance to explain and to apologize, not that either of it would make her harshness excusable.

When he didn't come back, she wilted. She still carried on as if nothing was wrong outwardly, but she had never in her life felt nights as cold as the spring and summer past. She was lonely, and her old demons had found the chinks in her armor and slipped right in. Beneath the calm and happy demeanor she wore around her sisters, Roisin ached for the friend that she'd lost. She hoped, at the very least, that he had returned to the Ridge and to the child that he had created. That Faolain and Rivaini would do the right thing and allow him to be an integral part in that child's life, rather than just a side character.

She kept intending to go to the Ridge to see, just for herself, even though she knew that the sight of him loving a little baby of his own would both lacerate and mend her heart. Iscariot deserved to have that happiness, even if he didn't want Roisin around anymore. But every time the sabino girl got near the water with the intention of visiting, fear stalled her in place. As strong as she was becoming, she was not yet strong enough to face down the hate that she imagined on Iscariot's sweet face.

Still, she made her weekly pilgrimage to the south end of the Meadow by following the winding path of the river until it widened at the ocean. She followed the same path most trips, and by now, could have done so in her sleep. Roi had long since stopped searching for her pale friend on these trips. Surely by now he would have journeyed to the Ridge. Even if he didn't intend to stay. Even if he didn't want to be there. Surely he would have at least gone there, if he did not want to be with her. The possibility that he might have chosen neither of them hurt to think about, but not nearly as much as the terrifying thought that he hadn't survived the swim.

Later, after her pride had melted away and regret had seeped in, she recognized that her request wasn't daunting just because of the tangled emotional aspects. She was so used to believing in all of the things he could do that sometimes the things he couldn't do slipped her mind. By then, of course, it was too late. By then, she was already alone and there was nothing she could have done. Either he'd completed the swim or he'd perished in the swim. The possibility of having had a hand in his potential death crushed her, and she retreated further into herself, pulling away from her sisters and family to nurse her broken heart.

Lost in the what-if's, and lulled into a false sense of security by the much easier terrain of the Meadow as compared to the Peak, Roisin doesn't see him until she's nearly on top of him. By the time the creamy figure registers in her mind, it's all she can do to swerve out of the way at the last second, her tangled tail fanning out to brush against his body like a bullfighter's red cape. Grown nimble with the exercise she'd resorted to as a way to fill her empty days, she manages to stay on her feet as she scrambles to a halt, but it's a near thing and her eyes are wide by the time she stops.

"Iscariot?!" She blurts out, unable to believe her eyes. Her heart overtakes her eyes, and brushes aside reason and fear, spurring her into dashing forward to crush herself against Iscariot's warm body as she had her father every time that he had returned. The look on his face didn't matter right now.

He was alive.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she sobbed into his coat, desperately pushing herself closer in the fear that he would push her away.

mare . 3 . mutt . dun sabino . 14.3 hh . björn x siobhan . love

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