It seemed strange to think back to all of the little things that she'd once believed were insurmountable: his aggression toward Poka, his apathy toward Belikov, his mysterious past. They'd once felt like boulders in her path, but now she saw them for the small stones that they were. In light of everything that had happened since then, those small things seemed unimportant. Now, instead of rocks there were mountains: his abandonment from the Ridge and their family, his apathy when Nyimara had stolen her, and the fact that she had been unfaithful.

Those were not so easily stepped over.

Still, she breathed easier when she was beside him. Even now, even when he still felt so far beyond her grasp, he was still a balm on her aching heart. Siobhan had never been the sort of creature that could survive without someone to love. It was why she surrounded herself with children and friends. It was why her heart had been so easily won by both Ailill and Bjorn.

She couldn't not love them. Just as she couldn't stop loving the grullo king now.

Siobhan is hyper aware of every movement he makes, and she can feel his body stiffen beneath the gentle press of her muzzle. It reminds her that he is not hers to have. That the affection that had once flown naturally between them like a mighty river had been dammed and diverted so many times that it's original course was hardly recognizable. Bjorn is not hers to have, but she cannot help but wish wistfully for something else.

She's aware that such desires are not fair of her. A large part of her still loved Ailill. Would always love Ailill the same way that she would always love Diarmaid. But she couldn't deny that she held the same sort of space in her heart for Bjorn. He'd hurt her, and would maybe hurt her again someday, but he'd also been the one to help her recover from the loss of Laoise. The one who had given her so many of her early days of happiness in the Ridge. The one who had helped her to find her fierceness when it came to defending Sigurdr and Isabel, and the one who had comforted her after the realization of what she'd done to the Lagoon stallion finally crashed down around her. The one who had given all of himself to rescue her from Aranck.

The good and the bad were forever tangled in their history now, and while she could not have told you if the balance skewed more one way or the other, she knew that it did not really matter. Even if Bjorn became another Cullen, a part of her would always love him.

I would do anything for yo- her gaze rose sharply to his own, only to see the pain reflected in his gaze. Pain that she had caused.

Siobhan swallowed hard and dropped her gaze to his chest, and offered a pained smile as he finished out his statement. Quietly, heart in her throat, she murmured an answer. "I know."

A long silence stretched between them before she spoke again, her eyes dancing to meet his for a fraction of a second before shying away to study the landscape before her instead. "I… I haven't always been fair to you." Her voice was far away as she walked lightly through the halls of their past, her fingers brushing gently over both the good and bad memories that had shaped their relationship. "I used to blame you for- for, well, a lot of things that were not your fault."

Again, her amber gaze flicked to his briefly before ducking away at the intimacy of it. It had been so many years since they'd stood side by side like this without the threat of Aranck or Cullen or Nyimara hanging over their heads. She missed the easy companionship they'd had before he'd left and she'd been unfaithful, and yet felt simultaneously guilty for feeling that way. Somewhere out there, Ailill had no idea that Deirdre existed or that she had willingly gone with Bjorn back to the land in which she'd once been imprisoned. Would he feel just as betrayed as she had the first time Bjorn left her? Or would he forgive her, as he always had?

She knew the answer to that, and perhaps that was part of the problem.

Ailill was, and always had been, so much better than she was. Kinder. Gentler. A superior, more patient parent. She could not have carved herself a more perfect partner out of marble… but when put side by side, the imperfections in her only became more clear. Unlike Ailill, she was flawed... and so was Bjorn. Together, the Bera Konung and the red mare were more of a match than she'd ever realized before.

She found it fitting that the karmic wheel would show her the truth when it was finally too late.

"I'm glad you have Tigerlily." Siobhan finally murmured, her voice faint in the darkness.

And she was. Tigerlily somehow seemed to bring out both the gentleness and the strength that Siobhan had once admired in the Bear King without forcing him to compromise on his ideals. And as much as watching the two of them together hurt her unfairly jealous heart, it made her happy too. Both of them deserved the happiness they'd found… which made Siobhan ever more hesitant to risk breaking it for the small matter of her own heart. "You're good for each other."