Falls

Sabriel was immersed almost to the hollow of her throat when she paused again, her pointed ears twisting forward. For a moment, she’d thought— she’d thought— But whatever she’d heard, it wasn’t Bondurant. It couldn’t be. Though he’d never failed to come to her when her need was greatest, there was no returning from where the spotted stallion had gone. Yet with her eyes still closed, it was easy to imagine that the water’s cool caress was the warm brush of his lips. Easy to imagine that Bondurant was waiting for her behind some amorphous veil. That she was close to him, close to the true peace that waited for her at his side. Close to casting everything away for the sake of that peace, knowing that the hollow shell Rafe had offered in its stead could never be enough. It was there, near enough to feel; near enough to touch. It was there, only a few steps away from her, and then—

—then—

—then it was gone.

The stranger who appeared in her path was pale as a ghost but solid, real. A wall that would trap her in this dark, grief-filled world. And Sabriel— Sabriel was rocked back on her heels as one of his legs rose from the water like a leviathan’s arm, slapping the surface of the pool with enough force to soak them both. Sabriel was left breathless, silent, as she glimpsed the fierceness of his expression— an intensity not of anger, but of compassion and concern. And it was so familiar that it twisted her heart all over again. Stop! You’ll go too far. It’s too dangerous.

Sucking in a sharp breath, the black mare jerked back a step, her heart hammering against her ribs. It wasn’t the voice she’d expected, but there was still an echo of the man she’d known and loved. Bondurant was everywhere today, even though nothing but his memory remained. Standing in their meadow. Speaking to her from the past. Curling around her protectively in a stranger’s unfamiliar skin, because— because— Because he wouldn’t want this. Understanding struck Sabriel with a force that rivalled any physical blow, and she staggered back another step. Then another, then another. With her lips quivering and skeins of silver hair framing her white-rimmed eyes, she continued to back up slowly until the tilt of the Falls’ bank leveled out, and the earth was hard beneath her hooves.

Then the slender woman sank to the ground with a soft wordless sound, feeling the tickle of grass against her belly and shivering for the first time since she’d entered the frigid pool. “I— I—” She’d been that close to peace; inches from it. But in the end, as always, Sabriel had only fled. Glancing up at the cremello stallion from beneath the pale curl of her eyelashes, the silver black wished that she could rage at him. Or weep, or find the strength to stand up and walk away. Instead, she caught herself searching for another glimpse of the one she’d loved. Instead, she heard her voice— a hushed whisper— echoing the words she’d spoken in what felt like another lifetime.

“I— I didn’t realize the water would be so cold. Or so deep.”

But the water wasn’t nearly so cold as the world itself, and there was nothing deeper than the ache in her heart. And lying— it didn’t come to her as easily now as it had then. Inhaling a shaky breath, Sabriel let her gaze fall to the ivory male’s hooves and murmured the only truth that she could bear to offer: an apology. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean— I didn’t mean for you to end up in danger.” His life, after all, undoubtedly carried worth. But her own? Measured against the lies that Rafe had told and the secrets that he’d kept, the white-marked mare had determined that it meant nothing at all.

She was no more to this world than Bondurant had become— no more to the living than a ghost.